


Facets

by Monochromely



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:53:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 185
Words: 18,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24683395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monochromely/pseuds/Monochromely
Summary: A rewatch ofSteven Universetold in 100-word drabbles.Completed:S1|S2|S3|S4|S5|The Movie|Future
Relationships: Blue Diamond/Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe), Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Rose Quartz/Greg Universe, Ruby/Sapphire (Steven Universe)
Comments: 1431
Kudos: 354





	1. Shield

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys.
> 
> It's been awhile, huh? Unfortunately... my muse for _Steven Universe_ and, really, writing itself kind of plummeted, and I didn't particularly know how to get it back, and I'm sorry for that, truly. "Fragments II" is still up in the air, as is "Flower Child," both of which require closure I would love to give them one day.
> 
> In order to do that, though, I want to get reacquainted with the series, episode by episode, so I can relearn the characters' voices and, well, fall in love with this magical show all over again. And as I re-watch, I want to practice my writing, too, which is the thought process that leads to "Facets," a collection of drabbles for each episode of _SU_ , including the movie and _Future,_ which I haven't actually seen yet!
> 
> This is probably going to be a slow project, but at the same time... I can promise that it will be a steady one.
> 
> So let's do this, facet by facet, word by word.

On the balcony, long after Steven has fallen asleep, Pearl and Garnet find themselves on top of Obsidian’s hand, watching the waves through the gaps in her stony fingers. The washing machine cycles through another load, just as the sky cycles through another night.

And today, Steven summoned a _shield._

“I never thought I would see it again,” Pearl murmurs.

It is an admission; those never come easy for her.

“I thought it was lost with—“ A pause, sharp and painful. “Well, you know.”

Garnet reaches over quietly, places a Ruby studded hand on Pearl’s shoulder.

“Nothing is ever lost.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode 1x01, "Gem Glow"


	2. Wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more for the day 'cuz I was inspired!
> 
> Thank you all for the warm welcome back—I've appreciated every Kudos and comment, and I'm so glad that we'll be taking this journey together.
> 
> One thing I wanted to mention is that while I won't be taking prompts for "Facets" per say, if there's something about an upcoming episode that inspires you, drop a line down in the comments, and if it inspires me, too, maybe I'll vibe with it.
> 
> Have a nice night!

While they’re waiting for the last of the van to air out, Greg and Steven sit side by side on the beach, licking ice cream cones, slurping them messily.

Eyes wide, smile even bigger, Steven once again recaps the events of the afternoon: the red eye, the glowing cannon, the likeness of Rose spiraling through the sky, the exploding debris.

“I’m glad you were there, Dad,” he finally exhales. “That was _epiiiiiiiiic._ ”

“Huh?” He chances a glance at his son. “You mean it, kiddo? Seriously?”

“Hah! Why _wouldn’t_ I be serious?”

Greg’s face is warm.

(It’s nice to be wanted.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x02, "Laser Light Cannon"


	3. Monument

On the three hour paddle home, the Gems laugh and talk and point out sundry stars for Steven, who falls asleep hugging his cheeseburger backpack.

It is only then that Pearl allows herself to look backwards.  
  
Beneath the silvery light of the moon, the water where the Sea Spire once stood is smooth and glasslike.

Untroubled.

As though the monument had never been there at all.

“Sucks, huh?” Amethyst ventures, her brow furrowed above her visible eye.  
  
Pearl tears her gaze away, her smile soft and sad.

“For what it is worth, we will always have it in our memories.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x03, "Cheeseburger Backpack"


	4. Parenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two more before I have to go babysit for the rest of the day, lmao. 
> 
> "Together Breakfast" is such a good episode; it introduces this really cool split between the mundanity of the beach house and the mystical dimensions that the Temple holds behind it.

There is no handy book entitled _How to Parent When You’re An Alien._

Or _Parenting for Gems 101_.

But, at the very least, all the best parenting psychology books agree on one crucial point: eating together is an act of communion.

“‘Humans bond over mealtimes,’” Pearl reads aloud, “‘which is why it is important to eat with your child often.’”

“Cool beans,” Amethyst grins, all mischief, “but does that book say anything about what to do when your kid’s waffles turn into, like, an eldritch horror?”

“Ha,” Garnet helpfully chimes in.

“ _No_ , Amethyst,” Pearl sighs, long suffering. “I imagine not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x04, "Together Breakfast"


	5. Kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Frybo" is such a scary episode, lol.
> 
> It's not even _just_ Frybo itself.
> 
> It's, like, the existential angst.

Mere months from now, Steven will begin to understand what Peedee was talking about as he rocked upon that creaking seahorse: the expectations of a parent and having the weight of responsibility on your shoulders, what a job takes from you, and takes and takes.

Pieces.

Fragments.

Shards.

Years down the line, the costume of Rose Quartz will tower over him in all of her brilliant and terrible beauty…

… but today, his dark eyes alight, Peedee grabs his hand and shouts, “Let’s go be kids!”

And Steven Universe, in this temporary, precious moment, _knows_ how to laugh loudly in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x05, "Frybo"


	6. Catastrophe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why watch a horror movie when u can just watch "Cat Fingers"?

When he takes a bath that night, eager to drown the smell of cat off his skin, Steven runs his fingers through the flow of tap, one by one by one, an electric shiver surging through his body when each of his digits proves to be his own, completely and irrefutably.

“Ahahaha,” he mutters to himself, “I’m fine now. _Feline. Meow._ I’m _feline_ _meow_.”

The joke is enough.

He smiles weakly.

(His body pulsed with so many mouths, caterwauling.)

“Yup, yup, yup, Steven Universe”—he’s laughing so hard that he’s almost crying—“that was almost a _catastrophe_ and a half!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x06, "Cat Fingers"


	7. Choice

Connie tucks the glow bracelet in the freezer behind one of Mom’s dinner trays, untouched these days because the doctor has been taking on more overtime in the ER.

Summers are always busier for her, replete with surfing accidents and drunk drivers amongst other calamities.

But, at the _same_ time, she’s never too busy to _not_ keep an eye on her daughter, who freezes when she hears her mother’s sharp voice from the hallway.

“Connie, what are you doing in there? It’s nearly bedtime!”

Her heart slips.

She makes a sudden choice, an instinctive one.

“Nothing, Mom! Just getting water!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x07, "Bubble Buddies"


	8. Haunt

The white walls, the geometric murals, the death traps.

The ice.

The fire.

The spikes.

The swinging axes.

Garnet knows exactly what that haunt was without even knowing its name—a weapon of the Diamond Authority, one that once specifically belonged to White Diamond.

“Those rooms were fatal to us as well as Steven,” she states simply, her voice cool.

“Yes, I figured”—Pearl’s brow furrows—“the traps aimed to shatter and not... poof.”

Unspoken between them.

Unsaid.

How many of their friends?

How many shards did White Diamond claim?

Garnet’s fists clench on her knees, fingers scraping her gems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x08, "Serious Steven"


	9. Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OUCH. This episode hit surprisingly hard.

In the ring, Purple Puma is the strongest predator in the underground factory jungle—powerful, feral, uncontrolled. He answers to nothin’ and nobody except for the call of his own clenched fists.

If someone talks shit about him, he can clock them into next Tuesday and then do it all over again the following Tuesday.

No one can ever make him feel something he doesn’t wanna feel.

(“Childish,” Pearl chided.)

(“You’re a Crystal Gem,” Garnet said. “You need to _act_ like it.”)

No one can ever make him feel like he’s Amethyst.

(Reckless.)

(Vulgar.)

(Loud mouth.)

_Wrong._

Whatever that means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x09, "Tiger Millionaire"


	10. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not claim to know anything about cat dreams.

Stretched across the deck of the beach house, belly upturned to the starry night, Lion purrs softly in his sleep.

He dreams of colors and noise and sharp shapes that don’t quite resolve themselves into figures.

He dreams of a plump, white hand pressing a palm on his forehead, insisting that he stay.

_Please._

“Someone has to protect the Desert Glass while I’m gone,” the palm, the memory, the woman, his savior, his friend said. “And I need that to be _you_ , sweet Lion.”

Even in a dream, Lion whines his protest.

“Shh, I’ll be back before you know it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x10, "Steven's Lion"


	11. Explanations

At the end of the long day, when the sun is dipping low into the ocean, Garnet returns to the arcade, one measured step at a time.

“C’mere,” she tells Steven before unceremoniously throwing him over her shoulder, Mr. Smiley’s spluttering protests happily ignored.

“Did you guys get the parasites?” He asks, yawning.

“Yes.”

“That’s good!”

“Mhm.”

A pause.

A beat.

_Shake your hips with the meat._

_It was ... nice to lose myself in something mundane_ , _Steven_ , she wants to explain. She should. _I didn’t have to think. I just had to do._

Garnet’s lips part, but nothing comes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x11, "Arcade Mania"


	12. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I love "Giant Woman" sm.

They’re washing dishes together—a well oiled machine.

Pearl scrubs plates in one half of the sink and rinses them in the other, while Amethyst dutifully towels them off and places them in the drying rack.

Pearl thinks Amethyst could serve to be neater when she’s setting the fragile ceramic down.

And Amethyst wishes that Pearl was faster about washing the dang things in the first place.

But those little irritations pale in the glow that Opal left behind.

“Nice job out there, P,” Amethyst says suddenly.

Gruffly.

Pearl almost drops the bowl she’s holding.

“Thank you, Amethyst... you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x12, "Giant Woman"


	13. Change

Pearl has been poised on the edge of Steven’s bed for hours now, simply watching Steven himself—the steady rise and fall of his chest, and how the light slanting across his face shifts, almost imperceptibly, with each passing hour, minute, and second.

How this world changes.

So often and so rapidly.

_Will eighty odd years go by in a blink of an eye?_

_Will I have to say goodbye again?_

Y’know,” Amethyst whispers mischievously, suddenly at her shoulder, “he’s gonna wake up and catch you starin’ at him one day.”

“Well, today isn’t that day,” Pearl returns, slightly comforted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x13, "So Many Birthdays"


	14. Vibes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep misremembering S1 as being really light and carefree, but then Steven says something like, "I didn't even get to know my mom" and I lose it, omg.

The asphalt unfurls like a dark ribbon in the night, ghostly lit by the pearlescent moon. It’s just Jenny, Sour Cream, and Buck again—as it’s always been—cruising along Beach City’s winding, twisting roads ’til they’re pushing curfew and their parents’ buttons alike.

“Steven’s a cool kid,” Buck suddenly says.

“Yeah,” Sour Cream agrees. “He’s got sweet vibes. Chill. Happy.”

“He comes in and gets pizza a lot.”

Jenny glances at the now empty middle seat in her rearview mirror.

“Nanefua said that his mom died a long time ago..."

“That sucks,” Buck sums it up best.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x14, "Lars and the Cool Kids"


	15. Hero

“Yellowtail’s got a hard job,” Greg explains around a mouthful of pizza. “He’s Beach City’s biggest seafood supplier. Without him, we wouldn’t have half the places on the boardwalk, including this joint.”

He gestures around vaguely at Mr. Pizza’s restaurant, now dimly lit for the evening.

“He’s doing a hero’s work,” Steven nods solemnly. “I... just never thought I’d ever feel bad for Onion, y’know?”

“Oh?”

“Well, _I_ don’t have to wait on the docks for you to show up every day... I just always know where to find you!”

Greg could cry.

“Love ya, kiddo.”

“Right back at you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x15, "Onion Trade"


	16. Sticky

For the next couple of days after Pearl regenerates, Steven follows her around like a duckling, never more than a few steps away from her at any given time.

More than once, she’s bent over to pick up _this_ unwashed garment or _that_ one only to be rudely rammed into from behind—sending her toppling over, face first into musky fabric.

“I just don’t know what’s gotten into him!” She complains one night. “This is getting to be a bit much!”

Garnet’s visored gaze is blank.

Impassive.

“You died in front of him, Pearl,” she says. “That sticks with humans.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x16, "Steven the Sword Fighter"


	17. Lie

By the time Steven and Connie get out of the theater, night is falling, the sky softened by dusk and starlight. Lion carries them back to the beach house at a leisurely pace, his gait rhythmic, controlled.

“My parents are gonna freak when they see the scratches on my face,” Connie groans. “Mom might cart me up to her own ER.”

“Oh, no!” In front of her, Steven tenses. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to talk to them?”

“Nah.”

A pause and then a slight grin.

“I’ll just tell them I fell playing tennis.”

It isn’t _entirely_ a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x17, "Lion 2: The Movie"


	18. Accomplishment

As the Pizzas are getting ready to leave, Steven’s warm gaze sweeps over everyone, all these people that he likes and loves.

Kiki and Pearl are exchanging cleaning tips, while Jenny and Amethyst unsubtly snicker about it.

Kofi and Garnet stand off to the side, having a mumbled conversation that he can’t quite make out. The lines around the restaurateur’s eyes have softened, though; a smile threatens to overturn the serious architecture of his face.

“Steven!” Nanafua clasps a sudden hand on his shoulder. “We did it! They’re not arguing like jackals anymore.”

“An accomplishment,” he laughs happily, “for sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x18, "Beach Party"


	19. Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm posting this at midnight, lmao. Don't look at me.

Steven dreams of his mother’s room tonight, and the visions are raw and visceral.

_Scary._

There isn’t another word for them.

His town shattered before his eyes. In the throes of sleep, he falls through the shards of all the corrupted people, places, and things.

He falls into his sheets, drowning.

And he lands in someone’s steadying, encompassing arms.

Anchored.

Suddenly and completely _safe_.

“Shh,” Garnet whispers soothingly against his hair. “I’m here.”

“Sorry,” he gasps, shivering all over.“Nightmare.”

“I know.”

And that’s the thing about Garnet—she _always_ knows.

“It was weird in there,” Steven admits.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x19, "Rose's Room"


	20. Capable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, baby! We've reached the first 20! This has been such a fun journey so far—thank you all for going on it with me.

“Here,” Pearl murmurs, pressing a cold compress to Steven’s leg. “This should sort out the last of those cramps.”

Steven briefly winces, but in such a way that she knows he’s trying hard not to.

“Thanks,” he grimaces. “I never knew exercising could hurt _soooooo_ much.”

“Stretching unused muscles always comes with a price,” she smiles knowingly. “Your body is learning to adjust to what it’s always been capable of.”

At this, Steven suddenly grins.

Mischievous.

Adoring.

“Then you must _really_ be sore, huh?”

“Come again?”

But she’s already blushing, splotching blue around her nose.

“You’ve always been capable, Pearl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x20, "Coach Steven"


	21. Same

The next day, when Steven drops by the Big Donut for breakfast, everything is as it’s always been.

Sadie is behind the counter, resting her chin in the palm of her hand, while Lars... is... well... _absent._

Nothing new.

“Hey, Steven,” Sadie says tiredly.

“Heyo!” He glances at the scorch mark on the nearest wall. The abandoned sponge and bucket beneath it tell a clear enough story. “Um... how are things?”

Or maybe the better question is—

“How are _you_?”

“Ah… same old, same old. Lars went out to get some cleaner, but pfft, that was, like, an hour ago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x21, "Joking Victim"


	22. Selfish

“Maaaaaan," Amethyst moans longingly. “I can’t believe _Steven_ found the time thingy. Well, not _him_ him, but, like, multiple versions of him? Uhhhhhh—“

Seemingly overwhelmed by the intricacies of time travel, the gem slumps to the ground, abandoning the towel she barely folded.

“Time travel is dangerous,” Garnet says, retrieving the towel. “The future contains innumerable pathways, and to disturb any of them could create a paradox of catastrophic proportions.”

Pearl’s gaze is studiously guarded as she accepts the towel for folding.

“I... only wish the piece hadn’t been destroyed,” she finally admits.

(Guiltily.)

_I would have been careful._

(Selfish.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x22, "Steven and the Stevens"


	23. Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This next pair of episodes high key made me emo.

Once upon a time, so many shining cycles ago, her name was Nephrite, and she soared through the sky beneath Pink Diamond’s insignia. Her crew called her both Captain and friend.

_And then?_

There was wailing—feral, unhinged.

_And then?_

There was nothing.

There was darkness.

And those are one and the same.

_And her name is?_

_And her function was?_

_And her arms and legs and eye and body became?_

Fellow gems called her _monster_ —saw her twisting, sinuous, snapping mass and named her Centipeetle.

(Her name was—)

An Earthling hugged her today, and she once again became _friend_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x23, "Monster Buddies"


	24. Deluge

Rose’s portrait looms tall tonight, memories and wounds and long forgotten words gushing forth, as though Garnet and Pearl unclogging the fountain loosened something else, too.

For thirteen years, she’s been a taboo.

A passing mention.

A neatly packed box in the corner of Pearl’s mind that she visits every so often just to make sure she never forgets.

A wound, partially sunk beneath the sagging fabric of Amethyst’s shirt.

A sensation in Garnet’s fists as they connect with anything that can break.

But today, Rose’s healing waters flowed again—in so many ways—washing over all of them.

_Scalding._


	25. Mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, these episodes are incredible.

“It can capture and display any event it's witnessed in all of Gem history!” The Pearl explains, handing me away.

I am a mirror, a tool, a toy for someone’s amusement.

(I had friends—a body, a home.)

“It'll offer you everything you've ever wanted to know about your fellow Gems and our culture.”

It.

(My name was Lapis Lazuli, and I _was_ a fellow Gem.)

(I _am_ a fellow Gem.)

I am glass and decorated silver.

I am broken.

And when you picked me up, so gently, all those many cycles ago, I thought... I hoped... I was _saved_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x25, "Mirror Gem"


	26. Possibility

As the sky darkens, the first silvery stars freckling the sunset, Garnet looks up at the spectacle and derives no pleasure from it, for Homeworld stares down at her, cold and alien and so much closer than she remembers it being before.

Her hands tighten around the railing, the tips of her fingers digging into warped wood.

Behind her visor, sundry visions overwhelm her, all beginning with the simple action of Lapis Lazuli landing on Homeworld and many of them ending with the tentative peace they’ve carved out for themselves disrupted.

Vivisected.

_Undone._

The future stretches with possibility.

It groans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x26, "Ocean Gem"


	27. Memories

Alone again, the doors of his van parted wide to the violet stained sea, Greg tunes his guitar and thinks of Steven.

Seven years back, when he and the Gems agreed to build the beach house, he knew that he was making the right choice for his kid.

And yet, seven years forward, it suddenly washes over him—how many hours, days, and weeks that he’s missed, milestones and precious memories, long gone, like shells reclaimed by the waves.

If he could go back, Greg wouldn’t make a different call.

He would’ve just spent a lot more time collecting shells.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x27, "House Guest"


	28. Repairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were such aching _sadnesses_ at the hearts of both of these episodes; "Space Race" especially got to me.

Pearl spends hours beneath the labyrinthine underbelly of Greg’s van, fixing what she so determinedly broke.

She tightens the drain plug.

(She almost killed Steven, and everything they had ever done, the _sacrifice_ Rose made, would have been for nothing.)

(Her competence was not enough.)

(Her ambitions were simultaneously fragile and too much, the polarized dichotomy revealing the inherent weaknesses in her thinking.)

( _She knew better._ )

(The ship could have never withstood atmospheric breach.)

Her fingers dance a complicated routine along the fuel filter, still leaking from her sabotages, leaking onto her face.

Pearl doesn’t bother scrubbing away the stains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x28, "Space Race"


	29. Bubble

As they make their way back to the Temple, Garnet quietly explains bubbles to Steven.

“Each bubble represents an adventure and a memory—both what we gained, and oftentimes… lost.”

The boardwalk creaks beneath her feet, the rhythm slow and mournful.

“Garnet?”

“Mm?”

“What memory is behind my... um... mom’s bubble?”

After the battle in the plains, Rose returned to the site and picked up every last shard she could find. When she came back, there were tears in her eyes, her upturned palms glittering.

Pearl dropped the sword she was cleaning.

And ran to her.

“An unhappy one.”

“Oh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x29, "Secret Team"


	30. Fish

The fish are sizzling on the fire, their smoky aroma flavoring the breeze with all the richness Lars has come to expect... and unexpectedly miss... from his mom’s cooking.

He doesn’t know how to talk about it with Sadie because she seems happy here... and well, he doesn’t know how to talk with Sadie about anything much.

“My mom bakes a mean fish,” he says casually. “She seasons it with lemon pepper and butter.”

“Dad likes to fry ours,” Steven grins. “He nearly burns ‘em, but we both like the bits anyway.”

Lars’s mouth twitches.

“That’s _weird_ , Steven.”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x30, "Island Adventure"


	31. Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KJHJKHJKHK. This facet was a _struggle_ to write. I am a major proponent of the idea that every human in _SU_ is vital to the fabric of Steven's world, but at the same time... omg, Ronaldo is annoying.

“Hey, Peedee?”

“Yeah, Steven?”

His chest pressed against the small of her back, Pearl feels Steven’s heartbeat start to even out in the beginnings of drowsiness. His breath becomes more rhythmic, pulsating with the gentle susurrus of the darkening world.

“That was a cool thing you did for Ronaldo back there.”

The little fry child doesn’t turn around, shrugging a finicky hand across the back of his neck.

Embarrassed.

Perhaps pleased.

“He’s a weirdo for sure,” he chuckles, “but I love him anyway. I’d do lots to help keep him happy—y’know?”

 _Strangely enough_ , Pearl thinks to herself, _I do._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x31, "Keep Beach City Weird"


	32. Answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more for the day! I loved this episode, and I really, _really_ like writing Priyanka. ~~It's a lot like writing Yellow Diamond.~~

In the warm light strewn by the lamp on her nightstand, Priyanka looks down at the book propped on her lap and decidedly finds patient care psychology less engrossing than her own thoughts.

She glances over at her sleeping husband and back again.

She temples her hands on top of all the words in her book: _empathy, kindness, understanding._

And wonders to herself, _Why did Connie lie to us?_

When a ready answer eludes her, frustration knits her dark brow together.

She’s a doctor used to making incisive diagnoses.

Moreover, she’s a mother.

She should _always_ have a ready answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x32, "Fusion Cuisine"


	33. Here

As Steven babbles on and on, constructing the fantastical story of her day, Garnet simply listens, slipping a hand through his dark curls.

His eyes wide, smile mountainous, he gives her a story about magical woodland creatures and giggling hilltops, neither of which Garnet has encountered in her ten thousands of years.

Unsubtly, he hands her a story about strength and love and the intersection between these two qualities, a phenomenon which the gem experiences every day simply by the measure of what she is, and who she is, and what she _always_ wants to be for Steven Universe.

_Here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x33, "Garnet's Universe"


	34. Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS EPISODE WAS SO FUNNY, AND KINDA DARK, BUT ALSO FUNNY.

In the star scattered sunset, Steven and the Gems stand over the very same hole the Watermelon Stevens had nearly buried Amethyst in. The lilac bouquet still rests at the bottom, already wilting.

“Damn,” Amethyst mutters, only to immediately receive a harsh elbow in the ribs from Pearl.

_“Language!”_

“Ah, okay, _okay_!”

But, not entirely listening to the familiar bickering, Steven arranges the husk of Baby Melon beside the flowers before straightening up again, eyes bright.

Garnet places a comforting hand on his head.

“His remains will provide nutrients to the soil.”

“But... we live on a beach?”

“Mm. True.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x34, "Watermelon Steven"


	35. Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cry every time I watch this episode.

“They’re kicking for _me_ ,” Greg says, his voice hushed with awe.

And Rose Quartz wishes she had a camera or paintbrush or a not dead camcorder that could capture this moment forever, the look of adoration on Greg Universe’s face, how it transforms his entire physiognomy.

If she did, she would put the finished product in Lion’s mane with the rest of her valuable keepsakes; she would label it with the word _love_.

But moments are nigh impossible to catch.

Ephemeral and fleeting, they are simply meant to be _lived_.

“They like your voice,” Rose laughs. “They love you already.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x35, "Lion 3: Straight to Video"


	36. Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lololol, it took me a hot minute to untangle the wrongness of the Hulu episode ordering. So for anyone else reading or watching along, "Alone Together" comes before "Warp Tour." :'))

On the dance floor, I am, you are, we’re so entirely _alone_.

The floor rises up to greet us, glittering with all my shining fears.

Pearl said we were... inappropriate.

I don’t want to be inappropriate!

But I’m—you’re—dancing, right?

We, I, like to dance.

No, _you_ do.

I’m afraid of it. We have been ever since I was too chicken to go to that dumb school dance.

They hug themselves, their fingers—my fingers, yours—digging into warm skin.

Fusion looked so fun when the Gems were doing it, but I’m… scared.

You are?

I am.

_Us._

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x36, "Alone Together"


	37. Belief

They could talk about so many things in a night heavy with darkness: the appearance of a certified Homeworld gem and her seemingly impossible technologies, or the possibility—stars, the _probability_ of war striking them all like an ugly, unwanted kiss.

Instead, as they always do, they talk about Steven.

He almost died tonight.

(He’s almost died a couple of times here lately.)

There were icicles frosting his nose.

“I... didn’t want to believe him,” Pearl winces. “Believing him meant that these last 5,000 years... Garnet, I—”

“We needed to believe him anyway.”

A pause.

Self-flagellation.

“That’s on us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x37, "Warp Tour"


	38. Success

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Test" has always been one of my favorite episodes of S1 because it's one of the few times when the Gems verbally admit to their insecurities when it comes to raising Steven... while also dealing with the prospect of what Steven does once he's heard them.
> 
> It's here, I think, where one of Steven's recurrent traits crops up distinctly for the first time.
> 
> For his loved ones, for their sakes, he'll shove his own feelings down...
> 
> It's a selfless act, but goodness, at what accumulated cost?

Surrounded and swathed in the arms of the three gems who love him so very much, Steven’s disappointment is still thick in the column of his throat, lodged there like a bitter lump that just won’t go down.

If they give him a second, if they hold him like this for a few heartbeats more, he can swallow down the worst of it and make them believe he likes it.

He’ll smile for them gladly; he’ll laugh, and he’ll joke.

He can be the person Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl _need_ him to be right now.

He can be their success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x38, "The Test"


	39. Afraid

“Garnet?”

“Yes?”

Though he’s cocooned in a warm blanket on the couch, Steven is still shivering slightly from the rain.

Coffee hot shame percolates down to Garnet’s gems.

_Burning._

“How come you’re not... _afraid_? How do you see the future... and not get, like, paralyzed by all the scary parts of the river?”

It’s a vulnerable question, one that demands a vulnerable reply.

Garnet hesitates.

She always does with these sorts of things.

“I... get scared too sometimes, especially when it comes to you, Steven.”

“Why’s that?”

_Because I love you._

_So much._

Say it.

“Because I care for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x39, "Future Vision"


	40. Miracle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) "On the Run" is also another episode that _never_ fails to make me emotional.  
> (2) Holy crap. This was the first true Amethyst-centric since, like, "Giant Woman."

On the roof, Amethyst and Pearl sit side by side, moonlight leaning onto their faces. The heaviness of what happened in the Kindergarten accompanies them on the shingles, all awkwardness and shuffling.

“When we found you,” Pearl says, quiet and strangely tender, “we were so used to fighting monsters, that to discover a fully realized gem nearly brought Rose to tears. You were a miracle, Amethyst. Truly.”

Amethyst’s visible eye widens, as though she scarcely dares to believe it.

“It… doesn’t feel like that sometimes.”

The admission lands accusingly.

“And I apologize for that... we should have said it aloud.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x40, "On the Run"


	41. Rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wtf? Why was this episode so scary, lmao?

He’s a good kid—Steven Universe.

He walks Sadie home beneath a sea of sloshing stars. The night air feels good on her face after the stuffiness of the lighthouse basement, cool and crisp.

“Hey, Steven?”

“What’s up?”

“Will that gem thing be, er... okay?”

Sure, it had tried to eat her and everything... but it’d been hurt.

And people do weird things when they’re hurt.

( _So she gets it, Lars. She does_.)

“Yeah,” Steven smiles gently, “it will. It’s been through a lot… but now it gets to rest for awhile, all safe n sound.”

“I’m glad.”

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x41, "Horror Club"


	42. Perspective

When Greg drops Steven off the next morning, Garnet is ready for him with a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast, all arranged in a smile.

Because not only has she seen the future, but she has learned from their past.

And she knows, through experience, that this is the choice which makes him smile her favorite smile, wide and lopsided.

“I think I get it now,” he says, all triumph. “It’s easier to make a good choice when you’ve got all your options ahead of you.”

“It’s about perspective,” she agrees warmly, “about the consequences you’re willing to accept.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x42, "Winter Forecast"


	43. Junk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode hits like a train every single time. Holy shit.

Amethyst spends the rest of the afternoon erecting a mountain out of Greg’s junk, layer by layer, piece by haphazardly chucked piece. The foundation is made of old fridges, tables, and all sorts of other shit that’s going to be unusable by the time she’s done with it.

And maybe that’s the point of this exercise.

The uselessness.

The dysfunction.

(Stars, maybe that’s the point of _all_ these piles.)

If Steven said that Greg’s storage unit was full, she’d hate to know what the kid really thinks of her.

She rams the broken TV right on top.

Happy New Year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x43, "Maximum Capacity"


	44. Decision

“Listen, like, what if we just tell him a little bit about what we did?” Amethyst proposes, idly twirling a strand of her hair. “Not the _bad_ bad stuff obviously, but just enough so he gets the gist of why it’s not a good idea to negotiate with Homeworld gems.”

“He’s not ready for that,” Pearl hisses, armed with a ready rebuttal. “Any of it. And quit kicking your foot against the countertop!”

“Yeesh, sorry.”

“Pearl is right.” Garnet’s decision lands like a fist between them. “Steven... doesn’t need to inherit our war if we can help it.”

(They can’t.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x44, "Marble Madness"


	45. Inheritance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay! It's been a bit of a busy week, and then I got struck by muse for another fic, lmao. 
> 
> Hope you guys have had a great week!

The memories of his mother are all over the place these days—in missing swords and their empty scabbards, in secluded armories and staticky videotapes.

Steven collects them all studiously, as though these secondhand inheritances will ever be enough to tell him who his mom really was and how he should feel about her.

Tonight, Rose Quartz was every tear that gathered on Pearl’s pointed chin.

And she was the agonized look in her eyes that made him fall.

And Pearl said, face glowing, she was _courageous_ and _brilliant_ and _beautiful_.

 _But I’m not her_ , Steven thinks.

Steven knows.

_(Probably.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x45, "Rose's Scabbard"


	46. Truth

As they lounge on the porch steps, waiting for his dad to pick them up, Steven turns to Connie with a sudden thought.

“I know this sounds pretty weird… but, y'know, I think Mom's room was trying to teach me something there in the end.”

“To be more precise in what you wish for?” Connie asks wryly, bumping her shoulder against his.

“That,” he laughs clumsily, flushing, “but also, like, I think it needed me to admit that there’s a difference between _wanting_ something and the _truth_.”

“Ooh, intense, Steven.”

_I want to know who my mom was._

“Haha, yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x46, "Open Book"


	47. Irony

As Mr. Universe takes him through simple chord progressions, his instructions patient and kind, something—maybe even many things—pluck at the dusty chords of Buck Dewey’s chest.

_Memories._

His dad’s eyes welling up all those years ago when he’d proudly given him that drawing.

How he’d kissed Buck’s forehead before running off to make hundreds of copies of it, so he could show the entire city.

_And guilt._

Piercing.

Buck had called Steven’s love for his guitar dad naïve.

He’d wanted to make an exhibition of it.

A point.

Because if _life_ was an irony, couldn’t _love_ be, too?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x47, "Shirt Club"


	48. Fence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my GOD—this episode gave me so many feels. My favorite thing to pick up on was the fact that none of the Crystal Gems had a great idea of how to deal with humans, and you almost get the sense that Rose meeting Greg is the catalyst which ultimately changes that, that bridges the divide between Gemkind and humanity.
> 
> Also, gosh, how _young_ the Gems were, just in terms of their mentalities, with Rose being their maternal leader. Even Garnet was noticeably less mature. 
> 
> It makes you think about how much all the Gems had to "grow up" when Rose left them, what new mantles they had to forcibly assume in order to become the Gems that Steven knows and loves in the present day.
> 
> I just— _wow._

Together, the Crystal Gems repair the fence that the _human_ so determinedly broke with his van.

Garnet unrolls the new wire mesh, while Amethyst takes care of the debris by eating it.

And Pearl and Rose Quartz?

They work together, as they always do, painting a fresh sign to deter unwanted trespassers.

“We should add a gate,” Rose suddenly murmurs, and there’s a dreamy look in her big eyes that Pearl can’t quite place.

“W-wha—?” She stammers. “But doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose _of_ the fence? Then humans can come in!”

“Then humans can come in,” Rose agrees.

_Smiling._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x48, "Story for Steven"


	49. Transitory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy one month anniversary to "Facets"!
> 
> To celebrate, how about we finish Season 1?

It’s not that Garnet _isn’t_ scared.

It’s not that Pearl and Amethyst’s rising panic isn’t getting to her, too, percolating like volcanic eruption beneath the smooth layers of her illusory skin.

Because she _is_ scared.

Stars, she’s terrified out of her nebula expansive mind, her gems barely holding together as the shadows of their past loom over her and us and me and you all over again.

But she has to be the leader.

Garnet has set the tone.

So she lets Steven and Greg Universe have their euphoria beneath the stars.

She smiles.

It’s transitory.

But most things are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x49, "The Message"


	50. Unknown

They’ll work through the night—Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl—to gather a meager defense against the unknown, the immeasurable, and therefore, the _terrifying._

Laser light cannons and Pearl’s ramshackle devices.

Their weapons.

Their fusions.

Their own fists.

(It still probably won’t be enough.)

But before that, before they throw themselves into the Temple for the hundred thousandth time and maybe the last, they tuck Steven into bed.

Amethyst ruffles his hair.

And Pearl smooths his blankets.

And Garnet kisses his head.

Gently.

With _urgency_.

“S’gonna be okay,” he tells them, yawning.

They want to believe him so badly, it hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x50, "Political Power"


	51. Displaced

The caravan of displaced boardies doesn’t have the will to go any further.

Instead, everyone pulls off on the side of the road and watches as an alien hand approaches the only home they’ve ever known.

Well, _almost_ everyone.

Propped up against his van, Greg Universe sits with his balding head between his knees, shuddering all over.

Sick.

“He’s a big boy now, Universe,” Mr. Fryman tries, clasping a hand on his shoulder. “At some point, the kids aren’t gonna be kids anymore.”

“ _My_ kid could die,” Greg lashes back.

Afraid.

Inconsolable.

“And I couldn’t... I _can’t_ live with that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x51, "The Return"


	52. Consumed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, folks, we have reached the end of Season 1 of _Steven Universe._
> 
> Thank you so much to each and everyone who has come on this journey with me; every comment, Kudos, and read has meant the world to me as I've revisited this beautiful show that we all love.
> 
> I can't wait to keep moving forward, and I'm glad to get to do so with all of you. <3

At the end of the world, Lapis Lazuli proffers a hand and knows, beyond a shadow of a trace of a doubt, that she will never fly again.

And it will be her fault this time.

(No scapegoats to blame for her unending destruction.)

Jasper’s palm is rough against her own, hardened by war.

 _She has pretty eyes at least_ , Lapis notes.

Dangerous, though.

Flickering.

Consuming.

As fires do.

They dance together briefly, a deadly duet, and as green light swallows them whole, Lapis thinks about Steven.

He keeps fighting for her.

She‘ll never be a gem who deserves it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1x52, "Jail Break"


	53. Grounding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's goooooo, Season 2!

For all her imagination, Connie can’t quite fathom the scenes that Steven builds from the ground up, word by awful, exacting word.

He tells her about Garnet falling apart and Jasper’s crazed leer.

His voice falters as he tries to bring Malachite to life—her massive limbs and her sickly green striations, the shiny glint of her vicious teeth.

Imagination fails her.

Words elude him.

So she bridges the gap; she communicates the incommunicable.

And covers his knuckles with her palm, grounding them both.

Sand sifts beneath her fingertips.

_I’m here._

The waves lap gently at their feet.

_I’ll listen._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x01, "Full Disclosure"


	54. Culpability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **7/14:** I totally switched around a line because I realized that it read better if I did, lololol.

They decide to let Steven stay out with the humans for a little longer.

 _Because he’s a kid_ , those kids reminded them.

 _And he needs to have fun_ , the Gems sometimes forget.

“That was intense, G-squad,” Amethyst says, peering up at her. “You okay?”

Garnet is rigid, unbending, self-excoriating, and solemn as she holds what’s left of Peridot’s pod aloft in her arms.

“More or less,” she returns.

Hesitant.

“Maybe a little less… I almost punched Steven.”

“Yeah, well, we _all_ almost clocked him. S’not just on you.”

It’s a nice thought.

Garnet glances down.

It’s hard to share culpability.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x02, "Joy Ride"


	55. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, MAN! Thank you guys for 100 kudos! "Facets" has been so much fun to write, and your support every step of the way has been a major part of that.
> 
> I couldn't do this without y'all, and I appreciate you more than words can convey. <3

The bottom of the ocean is dark and black, swimming with creeping shadows that shy away from any lava veins which may reveal them.

It’s a listless haunt—this underworld beneath the shining sea—but as Garnet cleaves the water with her powerful strokes, she knows she is a unique entity here.

She alone has a purpose

To find Malachite.

To maybe save her.

And to save her, she might very well have to _destroy_ her.

Because Garnet thinks of love letters and the infatuated mailmen attached to them, and she knows, better than anyone, what love is and _isn’t_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x04, "Love Letters" || Technically 2x04 because of that one _Say Uncle_ crossover, lmao.


	56. Silence

Amethyst doesn’t like to be alone.

The silence of it gets to her in a way it doesn’t Garnet and Pearl.

Heck, even _Steven_ if she’s being straight with herself.

Four hours.

She spends four hours _alone_ in the facets of her own gem as Steven’s words reverberate through the hollows: _She doesn’t want to think about herself._

What’s there to think about?

(The fact that she’ll never be enough for the others? That she hadn’t been enough for Greg? That Jasper had called her an overcooked runt?)

In the silence, the unanswered questions raise their voices loudest above all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x05, "Reformed"


	57. Poof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode made me CRY, ngl.

“You haven’t seen it before,” Steven explains, his voice quiet, “but when a Gem’s body is damaged enough… they _poof_ for a bit to reform.”

The memories reconstitute themselves in swirls of color.

Pearl with a sword piercing her abdomen.

Garnet bisected, eyes wide in horror.

And then only recently, Amethyst.

 _Again_ and _again_ and _again_.

The night shivers all around them.

Cold.

“I think Pearl poofed a lot for my mom.”

“She... loved her that much, huh?”

Connie’s shoulder brushes against his.

“Yes... _but_ —“

_She loved her so much that she didn’t think she had to love herself, too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x06, "Sworn to the Sword"


	58. Ocean

“Pearl?”

“Yes?”

“How did you guys choose this place to be your home?”

In Ronaldo’s documentary, she’d said something about them having been here long before Beach City, and Steven’s never known a world _without_ Beach City.

It’s weird to think about.

Unimaginable and abstract.

“Oh, _excellent_ question, Steven.”

Pearl temples her fingers delicately beneath her chin.

“Your mother... she fell in love with the ocean, its _hugeness_ and its _openness_ , how it rose and fell in changing undulations.”

A sigh, soft and fond.

“It was beautiful and _different_ … it reminded her of what she left our Homeworld to protect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x07, "Rising Tides, Crashing Skies"


	59. Sky

As she helicopters away from the Kindergarten, far beyond the Crystal Clods’ reach, the space and the silence and the serenity of the vast, blue sky affords Peridot the opportunity to do what she has been avoiding ever since she stepped foot on this garbage planet.

And that, of course, is to _reflect._

All of her distractions methodically eliminated, all that remains is the sun, lighting harshly on her face.

And then there’s the thought, the errant observation... that she’d never known that shattered gems are still _alive_.

Beneath the surface of the Earth, they pleaded with her.

They screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x08, "Keeping It Together"


	60. Petty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, _man._ Sixty facets.
> 
> That's kinda insane!!

Spindly legs pulled up to her chest, chin perched on top of her knees, Pearl sits on the shore and watches the push and pull of the moonlit tide.

Back and forth and back again.

She doesn’t look away, even as a tall figure sidles next to her on the sand.

Garnet.

Because Garnet _always_ knows.

Stars, it’s infuriating.

“Have you come to lecture me about being petty?” She asks flatly.

“No,” comes to calm reply.

Monosyllabic.

Understanding.

Pearl hates that, too.

“Well, good. Because I’m not jealous of _him_...“

She sniffs.

“I’m _not_.“

“Okay,” Garnet shrugs gently. “You’re not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x09, "We Need to Talk"


	61. Easy

“Buddy, it’s, like, 3AM. Go the flip to sleep,” Amethyst yawns.

Propped up against the window next to her, Steven pinches his hand again as heaviness threatens to close his eyes.

Because he knows what awaits him when he sinks beneath its pull.

And he _fears_ it.

“But what if I dream about Lapis again?” He shudders. “She needs to keep her focus... and I kept disturbing her, and—“

“You can’t go in with _that_ kinda attitude,” Amethyst shrugs sympathetically. “Worrying about her’s just gonna make you dream harder... so be easy.”

She ribs him gently.

“Let go a little.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x10, "Chille Tid"


	62. Hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my God, _this_ episode. Do y'all remember when it first came out? We were all just _destroyed._

It’s not a place Amethyst likes to find herself in very often—Pearl’s room, in all its shining glory.

All tinkling fountains and smooth surfaces.

Neat.

Brilliant.

_Calculated._

And yet, here she is anyway, hopping from platform to platform until she reaches the top, where Pearl crowns her immaculate kingdom.

She’s been crying again.

Amethyst can see the tear swipes across her beaky nose.

“Steven made me come check up on you. Are you...”

But the question trails off, its answer painfully known.

“I didn’t intend to hurt her,” Pearl returns, her voice small.

_Pleading._

“We rarely _intend_ to, P.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x11, "Cry for Help"


	63. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHHHH, I've forgotten how _good_ this arc was. The emotional tension is just _excellent._

“Sorry,” Garnet says suddenly, “for the diner.”

Greg glances at the figure curled up in the passenger seat.

And then in the rearview mirror.

At the Gem who isn’t quite looking at him.

“Y’know… it was hard for me to rise above, too,” he whispers. “When Rose was gone, and I had a newborn baby… it was _a lot_ … and I was angry about it—angry at _her_.”

Keystone blurs next to them in swaths of green.

Garnet is silent for a moment and _then_ —

Quietly.

“Does it ever pass?”

“It takes awhile,” he admits.

Gently.

"But healing sometimes does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x12, "Keystone Motel"


	64. Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmaooooooo, the humor in this episode was exquisite.

Steven and Amethyst take their time ambling back to the Temple.

Because they know what waits for them there.

Silence.

So much of it.

 _Too_ much.

Amethyst suddenly rams her shoulder into his, nearly knocking him over to the pavement.

“Thanks, dude,” she says, “for letting us stay. I really needed that.”

“I figured,” he laughs, rubbing his arm. ( _Ouch_.) “It was nice to get away for a bit.”

Homemade birthing videos and mice in mouths aside.

“Yeah, man, haha... maybe we should run away again?”

She sounds like she’s only half-joking.

“Only if we bring more snacks next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x13, "Onion Friend"


	65. Trying

The beach is starlit tonight, the waves vivid with shining colors that shiver in a lantern glass sea.

Steven and Pearl walk along the shoreline together, leaving nothing but their footprints behind.

Here now.

Gone tomorrow.

“I’m not going to stop trying,” she promises quietly, “to make things right with Garnet… Steven, I know I’ve disappointed you… I’ve disappointed _myself_. But—”

“You’re _trying_.”

Steven takes her hand, his palm soft, warm against her own.

“That’s what William Dewey did, right?” He presses. “He tried and kept trying… even when he failed.”

“He failed a lot.”

“Until one day he didn’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x14, "Historical Friction"


	66. Forgiveness

Three shields in one day is an accomplishment for Steven, and they don’t want to forget that.

Indeed, for the first time in weeks upon silent, aching weeks, the Gems have reason to _celebrate_.

Garnet and Pearl stand side by side in the kitchen.

Shoulders not quite touching.

Words not there just yet.

(But not all forgivenesses are built from _words_.)

They knead cookie dough into tiny balls, one after another, placing them on the tray in an elegant kind of dance.

Perfectly synchronized.

This tango of hands.

And when Pearl chances a smile, Garnet _almost_ dares to return it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x15, "Friend Ship"


	67. Questions

Safety first is the golden rule of the Maheswaran household, but Priyanka sneaks glances at her daughter in the passenger seat anyway.

Absorbing so many things at once.

And precisely nothing at the same time.

Her glasses folded over the top of her shirt—useless—and Priyanka hadn’t noticed for a _year._

 _How many other things besides?_ She wonders.

How many quantifiable changes in Connie Maheswaran have slipped beneath her notice and care?

“Tell me about sword fighting,” she blurts out suddenly. “How… how did you get into it?”

“It’s a long story,” Connie returns uncertainly.

Flushing.

“I have time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x16, "Nightmare Hospital"


	68. Sense

“C’mere,” Sadie laughs. “There’s still a bit of glitter on your cheek.”

Feet sifting through the sand, Steven shuffles over shyly, all humility.

“I’m sorry, Sadie...” He apologizes, standing still as she thumbs the spot away. “I shouldn’t have taken over like that. I was excited to hear you sing... and I got… carried away.”

“Thanks, Steven,” she smiles wearily. “I appreciate it... I was just tired of having my life dozed over, y’know? My mom meant well... but I’m... I'm... not _her_.”

An awkward pause.

Sadie exhales.

“If that makes any sense.”

“No.” Steven glances away, frowning. “It does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x17, "Sadie's Song"


	69. Bathtub

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for one of my _favorite_ arcs in the entire show—Peridot's redemption. :')

The Steven called it the “bathtub” and explained it was for cleaning one’s body.

To which Peridot knowledgeably returned, “Gems do not have these so-called _bodies_. We’re projections of light condensed into solid matter.”

And the Steven only chuckled before patting her gently on the head.

_Nyeh._

So, without a body to clean, here Peridot sits.

In an empty bathtub.

Clutching what’s left of her limb enhancers.

And she thinks to herself, quietly, about the irony of it all.

A tub without function.

Limbs without enhancers.

A Peridot without recourse.

The minutes tick by.

Beneath her, the Cluster is screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x18, "Catch and Release"


	70. Trust

They make their way slowly back to the warp pad in an interesting formation, Pearl and Garnet in front, keeping an eye out for gem experiments.

Peridot and Steven in the middle.

While Amethyst makes up the rear.

_Just in case._

Trust isn’t something easily won.

The towering shelves of the Kindergarten leer over them all like malevolent gods.

“It’s not like I’m going to _attack_ you,” Peridot complains, kicking random rocks. “I could have done that when we were alone.”

It’s a thought that only now occurs to Steven.

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

She flushes.

“Don’t look into it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x19, "When It Rains"


	71. Learning

They work late into the night, drafting up blueprints and amassing various supplies.

The Pearl—no, _Pearl_ —is surprisingly patient in explaining what each foreign material is: screws and hammers and pianos and engines.

“What’s this?” Peridot asks of a white, curvy kind of object, placing it around her neck.

“A toilet seat,” Pearl laughs gently. “You’ve seen one before. In Steven’s bathroom. Remember?”

“Oh.”

She promptly removes it from around her neck.

And glances away.

Frowning.

“I have a lot to learn, don’t I?’

“If you stick around awhile,” Pearl only hums, “there’s a lot we can _teach_ you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x20, "Back to the Barn"


	72. Nerd

“Log Date 7 1 12. Coda,” Peridot whispers, keeping her voice low.

It’s nighttime at the barn, and Steven needs to _sleep_ apparently.

Whatever that means.

“The Amethyst is speaking to me again. She even laughed at something exceptionally hilarious that I said and called me a _nerd_. From contextual clues, I have reason to believe that is a specialized term of endearment.”

And the gem smiles at this.

Briefly.

“I am glad that I amended things with her… for some reason I can’t quite articulate. Perhaps—and this is only mere conjecture—I think she is a _nerd_ , too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x21, "Too Far"


	73. Itch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~And with that, folks, we have completed Season 2 of _Steven Universe!_~~
> 
> ~~Thank you so much to everyone who has read, liked, and/or commented on these silly, little drabbles. Your kindness and your support makes this journey all the more sweeter, and I'm so excited to keep going by your sides.~~
> 
> ~~Have a great rest of the day!~~
> 
> Omg, FALSE ALARM. ;-; I must have been looking at a wrong chart????? My bad and thank you to the kind user named “hi” who pointed this out for me.

On a grassy knoll somewhere far beneath the stars and the moon and the entire, sprawling universe, two gems stretch out side by side, hands not quite touching.

There’s an itch, though.

So tempting to scratch.

_Dangerous._

“Have you heard the rumors?” Sapphire asks, gaze lifted to the heavens where Homeworld shines brightly above all, distant and reproving. “About Earth?”

“It’s s’pposed to be an awful place,” Ruby replies knowingly. “Dirty and common... perfect for a new colony.”

“It doesn’t seem so bad from this point of view.”

“ _Yeah._ ”

Ruby chances a peek at her then.

“It’s actually kinda beautiful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x22, "The Answer"


	74. Vow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH, I know what happened. On Hulu, they have "The Answer" listed as the end of S2, lololol, but Hulu's order is all screwed up anyway.

Diapers.

$8.50 a bag.

“Jeez,” Greg scratches his head. “Talk about inflation much?”

But all the same, he picks up the package anyway and throws it haphazardly in the cart along with other useful baby stuff—bottles, formula, wipes, and creams.

And when he’s satisfied with his haul, he wheels his way towards the checkout, the memories flooding back like old songs he hasn’t thought about in years.

All those sleepless nights rocking Steven in Vidalia’s recliner.

_Hush little baby, don’t say a word._

_Your dad’s here._

A vow he’ll uphold, no matter what that entails.

Always and forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x23, "Steven's Birthday"


	75. Earth

How many cycles had Pearl passed in this very moon base, standing attendant by her Diamond’s side as they watched projections of the world below?

They saw rose-tinted feeds of trees and butterflies and little organic creatures that roamed across the rippling glass.

And when they arrived on the colony itself, they saw and loved and wanted to protect peace and love on the planet Earth.

Even if that meant fighting a war to do so.

Pearl’s hand slips over her mouth against the impulse to correct Peridot’s wide-eyed romanticizations.

_Let’s never speak of this again._

_No one can know._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x24, "It Could've Been Great"


	76. Objectivity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Oh, boy, I can't wait to write more about Peri's redempt—  
> Yellow Diamond, showing up onscreen for 30 seconds, erasing every other idea from my head: You thought, b****.

“Pearl,” Yellow Diamond snaps, her voice as dangerous as one of her heels crashing against the marbled floor.

Sharp.

Unsparing.

Cruel.

“Tell me again why we have chosen to destroy Earth.”

She doesn’t look at the gem as she paces the strip next to her throne.

“B-because it serves no conceivable function to our empire as it stands, my Diamond,” comes the hasty reply. “We can harvest its remains for resources.”

“Precisely,” Yellow nods. “It is a rational aim. _Objective_ , is it not?”

“Yes, my Diamond! Absolutely!”

But the obsequious reassurance does little to soothe her.

It rings hollow.

Empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x25, "Message Received"


	77. Confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiohoihfdjsjdops—take two for the end of S2 of _Steven Universe._ Thank you all so much for going on this incredible journey with me.
> 
> I appreciate you guys, and I adore you.

“I... don’t know what to feel,” Peridot admits beneath that warm, shining sun. “I betrayed my Homeworld, my _Diamond_ , and it doesn’t sit _right_?”

She glances down at her lap where her knuckles are curled inwards together, lightly touching.

“But... nyeh... it also doesn’t sit _wrong_ either.”

She’s lost, unmoored, unanchored, and untethered from all the boundaries she has heretofore known and so studiously observed.

And then Garnet places a hand on the small of her back.

“I know this might seem strange to you, but you’re allowed to be confused, Peridot.”

“It’s a foreign concept to me.”

“Even still.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2x26, "Log Date 7 15 2"


	78. Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's go, Season 3!!

Steven remains asleep for what feels like _forever_ , despite Peridot poking him every so often to see if he’ll wake up.

But, when this doesn’t work— _nyeh_ —the gem can only groan and fall backwards alongside him, staring up at the expansive sky as the tremors beneath them continue to ratchet up in frequency and intensity.

It’s kinda weird.

(And a little nice.)

How this planet can hold so many dichotomies and contradictions.

It has space enough for rolling clouds _and_ devastating geoweapons.

Maybe—assuming that they don’t all die, of course—it’ll have just enough room for her, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x01, "Super Watermelon Island"


	79. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone else ever tear up during this episode, or is it just me, lmao?

Peridot stares at it for a long time.

The perfectly bubbled Cluster.

A shining mass in the darkness.

Flickering with so many talking gems.

Beneath the entirety of this planet, in its blackest, most abandoned recesses, somehow, all these millions of shards have found it within themselves to stay together despite having been so violently wrenched apart.

“Stars above,” Peridot whispers.

It’s the only evocation she can muster.

But Steven gets it.

(He always does.)

He leans his head against her shoulder.

“They just didn’t wanna be alone,” he explains, “so I told them that they didn’t have to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x02, "Gem Drill"


	80. Palace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my goodness. _Eighty_ facets.
> 
> What a ride.

It’s strange.

Dwarf her though the heavens do, Lapis doesn’t feel small... or trapped... or _alone._

Because the sky swims around and about and over and under her, a purpling sea of scattered stars that she could fall into if only gravity would let go of her gem. She would fly away; she would sink.

Interconnected and infinite.

But somehow, against all odds, _free_.

“If I wouldn’t get tired,” she admits, “I’d stay up here forever.”

“You could have a sky palace,” Steven laughs.

“Made of stardust,” she plays along. “And, mmm, asteroid stuff.”

“It’d be nice.”

“Peaceful,” Lapis agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x03, "Same Old World"


	81. Tower

Sitting high above the world on a silo in the middle of nowhere, Lapis Lazuli closes her eyes against the pale sky as the images surge unbidden, waves against the rocks of her mind’s broken shore.

The crashing ship.

A rough, orange hand.

And then darkness, suffocating.

Oh, how she and Jasper and Malachite all screamed.

At the bottom of the ocean.

Where no one could hear.

 _And this, Steven_ , she thinks to herself, _is why I can’t forgive Peridot._

Because _she_ arranged the tower of glass upon which Lapis stood—prisoner and pawn.

_(But I struck the fatal blow.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x04, "Barn Mates"


	82. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode is so funny haiodfhiohiof.

“Hey, you,” Garnet grins, a certain mischief in the gesture, “c’mere.”

And with a movement that is quite effortless, she lifts Steven into her arms, bouncing him briefly before catching him, and together, they fall backwards onto the grass in front of the barn, the breeze stirring their hair.

“Hey,” he laughs, splaying his hands on her shoulders. “What’s this all about?”

“It’s me telling you that I’ve missed you the best way Ruby and Sapphire know how.”

“Besides flirting, you mean?” Steven asks, a wry glint in his eyes.

Garnet’s visor blushes red and blue.

“We make no apologies.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x05, "Hit the Diamond"


	83. Growth

Together, the Crystal Gems sit on the porch, waiting for Steven to come home—Amethyst perched on the railing, Garnet leaning against it, and Pearl using a chair as it’s intended to be used, ankles delicately crossed.

The sunrise seeps onto the water—pink and gold and blue.

“He’s growing up,” Pearl hums, cradling her chin in her palm. And there’s dreaminess in her voice but a little sadness, too.

“Feels like it was just yesterday he was losin’ his first tooth,” Amethyst chuckles.

“And now he’s floating,” Garnet finishes quietly, all softness. “Who knows how he’ll surprises us next?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x06, "Steven Floats"


	84. Retrospect

Near the end of the rave, Greg and Vidalia take a second to catch their breaths.

In more ways than one.

“So Marty hasn’t changed, huh?”

“Nope,” Greg sighs. “Still trying to mess people over and make a buck off it.”

“Figures,” Vidalia snorts. “That asshole’s always lookin’ for someone to screw... I’m just glad it wasn’t my son this time.”

Sour Cream goes in for the finale then, kicking up the bass so that the beach is electric, all its inhabitants charged.

And when the kid smiles, Greg realizes that Steven was right.

He doesn’t resemble Marty at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x07, "Drop Beat Dad"


	85. Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, this episode is a masterpiece, isn't it?

Beneath the dawn of a sun kissed morning, Greg, Steven, and Pearl putter down the interstate in a van that’s a little worse for wear, but somehow, that’s okay.

Because _sure_ —it has its dings and scratches, and _sure_ , it slightly smells like burnt waffles—but scattered with the stray CDs, there is laughter and love, tentative and always growing.

When Greg’s shoulder accidentally brushes against hers, Pearl doesn’t immediately flinch away.

And when Greg realizes this, his bearded mouth quirks upwards in a half-smile.

And when Rose’s favorite song warbles through the radio, they all sing along.

Joyfully.

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x08, "Mr. Greg"


	86. Sunset

The setting sun casts Funland in a brilliant ruby red. Somewhere beneath it, on a salt-weathered bench, Amethyst and Peridot wait for Steven to get back with funnel cake, which Peridot can only assume is a cake shaped like a funnel.

“Hey, Peridactyl?”

It isn’t the familiar nickname that snatches her attention away from her tablet but the tone of Amethyst’s voice, uncharacteristically flat.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry for, like, almost throwing your screen in the water.”

“Forget it,” she flushes. She hastens to reassure. “You were just trying to help.”

“Nah, dude.”

Amethyst doesn’t look at her.

“I was projecting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x09, "Too Short to Ride"


	87. Fix

It’s weird glancing over at Lars and knowing, well, that he’s not _Lars_.

The same slumped, gangling frame with something softer in those dark eyes.

Steven.

Because _of course_ it’s Steven.

They pace the sidewalk in silence for a handful of awkward seconds.

Fists shoved into his pockets, Steven worries Lars’s lip.

“Hey,” Sadie tries gently, “I know you meant well... but you can’t fix people who don’t want to be fixed. They have to decide for themselves that they _wanna_ do better.”

“You’re right,” he sighs.

Quiet.

Strangely subdued.

“I guess I just thought it wouldn’t hurt to try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x10, "The New Lars"


	88. Sound

With an hour left in their curfew, their nerves still humming with the electricity of the night, Stevonnie pulls over in a field just outside the city limits.

The entire sky is luminous, purple and moonlit, lavender rays spilling across the swaying grass.

The wind tugs at their jacket; it threads its fingers through their hair like Mom does and Garnet, too.

Stevonnie tilts their chin up to the vast firmament above and closes their tired eyes.

Soothed, safe, and _finally_ sound.

“It’s beautiful,” Connie whispers.

“Peaceful,” Steven agrees.

Unfused but not undone, they hold hands beneath the quiet stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x11, "Beach City Drift"


	89. War

Five containers of discreetly ordered takeout and a plan to reconcile Kofi and Mr. Fryman later, Steven and the restaurant siblings are riding high as they lounge across the living room floor, laughing and complaining and being _kids._

“It’s, like, this isn’t _our_ battle, Daddy,” Jenny rolls her eyes. “We’ve all got better things to do than worry about some stupid grudge.”

“My poor blog,” Ronaldo moans.

“Work,” Peedee sighs wistfully into his hand.

“And also work,” Kiki chimes in dryly.

Steven doesn’t say anything.

He’s not sure it’s his place to...

It sounds tough, though.

Inheriting a parent’s war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x12, "Restaurant Wars"


	90. Drained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, we're hitting double milestones today! The two month anniversary of "Facets" and ninety of these little drabbles total!!
> 
> Thank you all so much for continuing on this re-watch with me. I love reading each and every one of your comments—how thoughtful they are and insightful, prodding me to examine the characters in new lights and making me appreciate them all the more.
> 
> I appreciate you, too, and I hope you're having a wonderful week.

Stretched out on the twilight shore of Kiki Pizza’s mind, Steven pitches backwards into the sand alongside Kiki herself, and for a moment, for what feels like an eternity, the two of them simply breathe in the rich smell of cheese and pepperoni.

In and out.

Inhale and exhale.

“I like to give,” Kiki admits, biting her lower lip. “So usually, it doesn’t bother me, but...”

“When you’ve depleted so much of yourself,” Steven finishes sagely, “there’s nothing left _to_ give.”

“Mhm,” she sighs. “Which means I’ve gotta refill myself, don’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“Man, I’ve needed to for weeks now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x13, "Kiki's Pizza Delivery Service"


	91. Language

With a few elegant sweeps of her crayon, Pearl starts their handwriting lesson with a simple greeting: _Hello._

“The trick to the language,” she explains, “is that each curve corresponds to a letter in our alphabet that we could easily scribble on screens. It was about convenience. _Speed_.”

Steven stares at her with wide eyes, his own crayon poised above the paper.

“What was the rush?”

Truthfully, they were _always_ racing against time in those days.

A rush to colonize.

A rush to rebel.

A race against the Corrupting Song, which nearly destroyed them all.

“... _everything_ was an urgency then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x14, "Monster Reunion"


	92. Almost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my _God,_ this episode. Man, it made me emotional.

Safe on the dock, Steven and Lapis sit at the very edge of it, teetering, legs swinging.

The black waves seethe against the wood, gnawing on the support beams.

“I was tempted,” Lapis suddenly says, and it sounds less like an admission than it does an unassailable point she doesn’t want him to refute.

What can he even say?

The guilt is washed all over her hands.

“I almost said yes.”

“But you _didn’t,_ ” Steven insists, fierce and somehow, simultaneously, _miraculously_ kind. “It’s not what you _think_... but what you _do_ that matters, Lapis.”

His voice softens.

“That’s what counts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x15, "Alone at Sea"


	93. Luck

They stretch out on the mattress in Greg’s van, his head on Rose’s stomach, her fingers entangled in his hair.

The night whispers all around them, waves and rushing wind.

“It’s not saving the planet from monsters, I guess,” Greg chuckles, “but it’ll pay the bills.”

“Which means?” Rose prods, curious and playful and achingly naïve all at once.

She loves this world so much, but sometimes, he gets the feeling that she knows nothing about it.

“Means I can stop bumming off Vidalia for food and laundry. I can grow up a lil.”

“Oh,” she returns softly, “how lucky.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x16, "Greg the Babysitter"


	94. Wound

Evening draws itself like a purple blanket around the world as Connie and Steven get warm by the hearth.

There’s a faraway look in her friend’s eyes that’s starting to become a little too familiar these days.

Like an old habit that’s actually quite new.

Connie knows Steven Universe like she knows his mother’s shining blade. He’s kind, and he’s sensitive.

He’d do anything to save _everyone._

(He couldn’t save those gems.)

He bleeds his own heart and wears the stains on his sleeve.

Quietly, Connie leans her shoulder against his, hoping maybe, it’ll be enough to staunch the wound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x17, "Gem Hunt"


	95. Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, _man._ Another one of my favorite arcs. I love watching Amethyst grow over these next few episodes!!

Hands behind her head, gaze trained skywards, Amethyst looks anywhere but herself as she makes the long trek home, boot over boot in the shifting sand, following the footsteps Connie and Steven left behind.

This new body doesn’t feel right in the same way that the old one didn’t either.

 _You’re small,_ Jasper growled.

Jasper towered over her.

Jasper so easily won.

She called Amethyst a defect.

A joke.

And maybe she had a point other than her sharply faceted nose.

Maybe there aren’t enough t-shirt changes in the world to ever make Amethyst feel comfortable in her own skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x18, "Crack the Whip"


	96. Companion

“Hey, Ste-man,” Amethyst calls, “catch!”

And Steven only has enough time to turn around and vaguely comprehend the can of cold soda before it barrels like a bullet into his chest.

“Agh! _Amethyst!_ ”

“Whoops,” she grins abashedly. “Overshot the runway.”

As the sun slips away from the sky, the two worst gems enjoy the view from the balcony, holding the sodas to their sore faces instead of drinking them and laughing stupidly about _ruining the ruins_.

Amethyst feels bruised all over, and Steven’s already bruising.

But, at the very least, just for a moment, neither of them feel entirely _alone_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x19, "Steven vs. Amethyst"


	97. Repercussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys! Sorry for the two day delay. My laptop battery went kerplunk, and I had to get it replaced!
> 
> Also, since "Bismuth" is technically listed as the 20th and 21st episodes... I figured it might be fun to double dip and do _two_ pieces for this very special episode. Enjoy!

Five thousand years.

By the nature of what they are, by the fortitudes of their stones, time doesn’t work the same way for Gems as it does organic beings... but still, _five thousand years_.

That is a long time to be stored away.

To be imprisoned.

And _forgotten_.

Pearl said that it wasn’t always easy to understand Rose’s choices, but that they had to stand behind them.

Bismuth looks out into the fields where they once fought, now overrun with wild strawberries fertilized by the shards of their friends, and wonders if this, too, is one of those unfathomable choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x20, "Bismuth (Part 1)"


	98. Burn

Pearl’s fingers tremble as she applies a salve to his burnt foot, and yet, because she’s Pearl, her touch is careful.

Delicate.

Softer and kinder than any breeze Steven has known.

(The forge swelled with Bismuth’s towering wrath, with the volcanic heat that glowered all around them. They fought, and they argued. And Steven tried to reason with her, but she just wouldn’t listen. He begged. She aimed to kill. He didn’t mean to hurt her. _Please, Bismuth_ —)

“There,” Pearl whispers. It’s the most she can seemingly manage. “That should soothe the stinging.”

“Yeah,” he smiles weakly. “Feels better already.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x21, "Bismuth (Part 2)"


	99. Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy _crap._ I can't believe we're gonna hit Facet #100 tomorrow.

The Beta Kindergarten.

Facet Nine.

_Home._

In the quietness, Jasper allows herself to stand still as sandstone dust swirls around her in listless eddies.

In the absence of distraction, the soldier’s mind drifts back to the cycle she first emerged into this miserable world, tall and indomitable, a weapon to be wielded in the hands of her Diamond.

Pink Diamond.

She never felt more loved than when she had a purpose to serve another.

Never felt more sure.

But now, it is only her and this vast canyon of abandoned exit holes and caged monsters.

( _Some_ of her own making.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x22, "Beta"


	100. Held

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, we have reached _one-hundred_ Facets.
> 
> 10,000 words.
> 
> In nearly three months.
> 
> Goodness, that feels monumental.
> 
> Thank you continuing to come with me on this quest, each 100 word step of the way.

“C’mere, sis,” Amethyst murmurs, cupping the fallen gem into her hands.

For weeks, Jasper has towered over her, an orange monolith to her own shortcomings—so strong, so sure of herself, and so _capable_ , when Amethyst was not.

When Amethyst came out _wrong_ , all of her insecurities attached.

But now, the consummate soldier is laid bare in her palms, small and scared, her facets pulsating with all the hurt she fought to subjugate.

Amethyst cradles her softly.

Just for a moment.

For a second at most.

So her once tormentor can know what it means to be held by another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x23, "Earthlings"


	101. Avoidance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the many geniuses of _Steven Universe_ is that it can start as a lighthearted romp about how dumb the Rubies are and end on the note of the protagonist in mortal peril/reeling over the news that his mother shattered another gem.

It’s just something the Gems don’t talk about—amongst all the other collected hurts they don’t talk about.

The undoing, the destruction, and the _shattering_ of Pink Diamond.

A tragedy.

An illusion.

A farce.

One chess move more in a series of chess movies that gained them their freedom from Homeworld.

(That condemned how many hundreds of their kind to Corruption?)

Pearl lifts trembling hands to her mouth as the memories rise up the column of her throat, and doesn’t dare look at Steven, at the tears that are surely edging his eyes.

There is no comfort from _her_ tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x24, "Back to the Moon"


	102. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, folks, we have reached the end of **Season 3.**
> 
> Boy, what a closer. "Bubbled" makes me cry every time I watch it.
> 
> I hope you guys have a great week! I might be a little sporadic with posting for a couple of days as I get used to school again, but I'm so excited for ~~seeing Blue Diamond again~~ Season 4! Let's do this thing.

They don’t leave him alone that night.

Amethyst sets up shop by the foot of his bed, flicking aimlessly through TV channels.

And Pearl curls next to him on one side of the bed, while Garnet takes the other.

There’s a Sapphire studded hand in his hair, and pale, blue eyes that never leave his face.

 _This_ is what his mother was fighting for, Steven tells himself.

He rationalizes.

He hopes.

This is what she _shattered_ for.

_Home._

In the window behind Garnet’s shoulder, moonlight threads itself through a sky he knows now to be empty—vast and unspeakably cruel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3x25, "Bubbled"


	103. Sympathy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season Four, let's go!

In the arid expanse of the Beta Kindergarten, Steven pillows his head beneath his arms and angles his chin towards the vast canopy of silvery stars.

Bright tonight and radiant.

(So unforgiving, so mercilessly cold.)

He thinks of Peridot, who’s still tinkering with various injector parts and muttering curses beneath her breath when she thinks he can’t hear. And he thinks of pelted marshmallows and corrupted gems and what it means to have sympathy for a monster.

He thinks of his mom.

(He’s always grappling with _her_ nowadays.)

And he thinks about Pink Diamond.

(Wondering if she felt trapped, too.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x01, "Kindergarten Kid"


	104. Cleaning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this episode is so good, y'all. I loved the complex emotions it explored between Sardonyx and Smoky Quartz.

They linger in the kitchen, cleaning their mess from earlier.

Mixing bowls and whisks and larger-than-life fusions.

“We’ve been zero for zero on Sardonyx lately, haven’t we?” Pearl asks, tentative and a little hesitant, gaze averted, hands finicky. “The airlock and now Smoky Quartz…”

She doesn’t mention the _other_ incident.

Can’t bring herself to.

But the pale ghost of it shivers in the space between them anyway.

“We don’t realize it,” Garnet returns softly, drying a plate, “but we can get carried away sometimes.”

“Insomuch as?”

“We become oblivious, Pearl. Together, we forget what it’s like to not feel strong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x02, "Know Your Fusion"


	105. Legacy

Rose watches as the funny, little human gallivants off towards the sand temple, adjusting his bag and clutching his journal ever so preciously to his chest.

A soft smile curving her mouth, she lifts her hand in a goodbye that Buddy Buddwick doesn’t see and wonders to herself, quietly, what perspectives history will afford _her_ one day—whose eyes will rake her over and manifest her legacy?

Who will she become in the hands and words of another?

Rebel?

Leader?

The angel with seven lions?

Diamond?

Shattered?

Guilty?

_(Gone.)_

She wears so many sheaths beyond the one on her sword.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x03, "Buddy's Book"


	106. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Mindful Education” is a revolutionary episode in so many respects.
> 
> Bad thoughts don’t make you a bad person.
> 
> But, in order to make those bad thoughts go away, you have to be honest about them.
> 
> You have to confront your hurt, both what you have done to others, and just as importantly?
> 
> What they have done to you.

It’s easier to talk as Stevonnie because _they_ don’t feel like Steven has felt recently.

Alone.

( _How long have you had these thoughts?_ They ask themselves. They worry. Connie does.)

( _Weeks_ , they admit. Steven does. _I’m sorry... I just didn’t know how to talk about them._ )

Because, by the nature of who they are, they’re _never_ alone.

“My mom,” Stevonnie whispers as the grass sways around them. “She shattered Pink Diamond... she hurt so many gems.”

“But _you_ didn’t do that,” they argue back.

Softly.

“It’s not your responsibility to bury her ghosts.”

“Isn’t it, though? We’re... _I’m_ her son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x04, "Mindful Education"


	107. Dinner

Steven slumps over on the coffee table halfway through dinner, dead asleep, a spoonful of spaghetti still sticking out of his mouth.

“ _Ahahahaha!_ ” Amethyst laughs explosively.

“Amethyst!” Pearl chides, arms windmilling in sudden alarm. She glares wildly between the purple gem and Steven and the new marinara stain on the table. “ _Steven!_ ”

“Shh,” Garnet murmurs, amused. “You’ll wake him.”

And with that, she gently unplucks the spoon from Steven’s mouth before sweeping him up into her arms and away.

He’s had a long day—helping people.

Friends and total strangers.

She figures, in the end, that has to be exhausting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x05, "Future Boy Zoltron"


	108. Drive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode is so funny and so good, omg.

There are no beautiful, pink-haired women on motorcycles on the trip back home—nor dramatic cop chases and existential breakdowns in the bushes.

Pearl drives one-handedly as they slowly wind their way down the dark ribbon of the road, humming along to a folksy tune she just barely knows. Steven’s quiet snores drift upwards like smoke from the back of the car.

“You’ve got a big ass grin on your face, P,” Amethyst suddenly says, playful, eyes gleaming through the darkness. “Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

“Nothing in _particular_ ,” she returns teasingly.

Evasive.

Euphoric.

“It just feels good to be _me_ tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x06, "Last One Out of Beach City"


	109. Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, wow—this episode has some potent Steven feels. 
> 
> I'd forgotten it's one of those ones that makes you realize how _lonely_ he feels, separated as he is from most humans around his age.

Steven watches Onion and his stew pot of friends when he thinks they’re not looking.

Whether they’re working on their cart, or slingshotting rocks into empty cans, or making piles of leaves just to kick them down, each child is but an extension of another, intuiting each other’s needs and communicating in series of taps and touches and gestures that mean _nothing_ to Steven and _everything_ to these forest kids.

They’re their own little world, perfectly contained.

And Steven is on the outside.

(He‘s _always_ on the outside.)

Somehow, though, he manages an encouraging smile when Onion glances his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x07, Onion Gang


	110. Habit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh, this is totally gonna mess up my 181 count now, but we're doin' two for "Gem Harvest," lmao.
> 
> Also, my word. **11,000** words.

Peridot glances around the table at all of her family, observing everything lest she remember nothing—from the way the dusky sun lights amber upon their faces to the smiles pulling gently at the corners of their mouths.

For decades and millennia, for hundreds of years, _thousands_ , her only companionship had been the uniform march of Homeworld soldiers on the move, the patter of their feet the only code by which she knew she was not alone.

But now, there are different indicators.

Steven’s round laugh fills her ears.

And Lapis’s shoulder brushes against her own.

Casually.

Like a habit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x08, Gem Harvest


	111. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, “Gem Harvest” is _SU_ at its most self-aware in a very, very good way.
> 
> I don’t think it’s a mistake that it’s the episode that airs right after “Onion Gang” where Steven realizes that he feels left out by human companions. Indeed, it’s almost like this is both the reverse and the completion of that arc. Andy feels left out by the family that the gems have constructed, and Steven wants to know his human half of the family. Their reconciliation reflects one of the central theses of the show: anyone, no matter their differences, can be family.

They’re on cleaning duty, him and Andy, and somehow, it’s both achingly familiar _and_ so painfully new.

Twenty years.

God, how time makes old men of them all.

“I should’ve called,” Greg says, scooping plates into his arms. “I just... it was hard, y’know? I thought none of you’d wanna talk to me after I... well... _yeah_.”

“Shit? Yer folks? Yeah,” Andy shakes his head exasperatedly, “but you already know what they’re like…. Me and Aunt Deb, though?”

A pause, thick and clumsy.  
  
“We missed yeh, son.”

Greg swallows hard, his throat all scratchy.

“I know. I missed you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x08/09, "Gem Harvest"


	112. Misery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of [thoughts](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/628430045632937984/three-gems-and-a-baby-thoughts-because-im) about this episode.

Greg drives them back to the house, easing the van through the thick slush of snow.

Pearl supposes it says something about him that he trusts the Gems to entertain Steven long enough to get back.

Pearl also doesn’t want to give him his flowers.

_No._

She wants to wrap herself around the memory of Rose and be left to mourn with it. She wants to center this man as the villain of her story, immortalizing his bones in a museum of her own personal misery.

_But._

(There is always a _but_.)

But Steven.

But Rose wouldn’t have wanted this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x10, "Three Gems and a Baby"


	113. Relics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cries over how good this episode was. ;-; There is _so_ much I could have written on, but I'm sorry hdsiohsiof. I never pass up the chance to write Blue Diamond.

It was here that they discovered her.

What remained of her anyway.

Pink Diamond, her shards scattered in the dirt like common pebbles.

Cast aside.

Broken.

_Shattered._

Blue Diamond cradled the pieces in the palms of her hands and fell apart, too.

(When she screamed, the entire sky bled with the sound.)

But even still, she returns every so often.

A tide back to the shore of its own dissolution.

Because these are the keenest reminders of her own culpability—half-buried palanquins, hibiscus flowers, and colonies they should have never bequeathed.

Relics.

Preserved for a veneration that came too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x11, "Steven's Dream"


	114. Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dammit, lol. I have to go fix the numberings on the last few episodes. This is technically the twelfth episode of the season since "Gem Harvest" counted as 8 _and_ 9.

“Let’s sit for a minute,” Garnet suggests, patting her knee. “Your body’s been through a lot.”

Seventy _years_ worth of travel in sixty minutes.

It’s no wonder the Gems’ bodies couldn’t keep up.

Slowly, with a tentativeness she knows means that he still feels bad, Steven clambers into her lap, resting his head against her chest as the zoo draws closer, a shining, pink obelisk in a galactic sea.

“Sometimes,” she begins softly, “it’s hard to remember what it’s like to want to know everything.”

“Forget it,” he tries weakly. “I shouldn’t’ve—“

“No, Steven.”

She shakes her head.

_“I’m sorry.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x12, "Adventures in Light Distortion"


	115. Cold

As an Amethyst guard “repairs” the ship, hastening to it beneath Holly Blue’s gleeful wrath, the future rushes ahead of Sapphire in slithering tendrils, each possibility examined instantaneously by the faculties of her mind.

If the others cannot open the service door, then Steven will ultimately be captured and placed in the zoo.

And if _this_ future manifests itself, then they won’t be able to escape before Blue Diamond appears in all of her towering majesty.

Merciless.

Alien.

 _Cold_.

Nearly six thousand years liberated from her though Sapphire is, it is terrifying how keen the sting of her voice remains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x13, "Gem Heist"


	116. Zoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode is anthropologically fascinating and horrifying all at the same time.

Steven doesn’t know _what_ he expected from the zoo, but it certainly wasn’t _this_.

Because this place isn’t some horror movie torture trap that involves gems chasing his dad around with swords, but rather, a kind of paradise in and of itself—all balmy winds and glittering sunshine.

And yet, at the same time, it’s _surreal_ in a way that he doesn’t quite know how to articulate, like it’s trying too hard.

Or compensating for something, maybe.

The grass is a little too green.

The water tastes like chemicals.

And these people?

These _humans_?

They all have the same eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x14, "The Zoo"


	117. Infinities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, ngl, this is probably my favorite episode in the entire season for a very obvious reason. hioHIODHOI. Thoughts on that [here.](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/628878271342329856/bellow-diamond-hive-we-are-eating-well-i-am)
> 
> But also, and more importantly, thank you all for 200 kudos. When I saw that the number had ticked here, I couldn't help but be floored. Your love and support on this project has been amazing, and I'm increasingly excited to keep going, to finish this project hand in hand alongside all of you.
> 
> Every kudos and every comment has been seen, felt, and appreciated by me.
> 
> I can't thank you enough.

Seconds, minutes, hours, and infinities—how the Diamonds exist within and beyond all measurements of time.

Yesterday, they bequeathed Pink her first colony.

And today, Blue haunts the artifact of her menagerie.

Five minutes ago, she left them.

She was shattered.

_Destroyed._

But that was six thousand years ago, was it not?

Because five minutes ago, it was the Agate and the Sapphire who left them.

And it was Yellow Diamond who _stayed_ , bracing her gloved hand across the small of Blue’s back.

The pink light throws the dark lines beneath her eyes in stark relief.

(Those weren’t there before.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x15, "That Will Be All"


	118. Unity

After they place the finishing touches on the new car wash sign, buffing out lingering scratches and tightening loose bolts, the Crystal Temps lean back and survey their work.

“It’s a meep morp,” Lapis points out dryly, gesturing vaguely to the likeness of Greg.

“But it has a functional purpose,” Peridot argues, hands angled on her hips. “Meep morps aren’t supposed to be _useful._ ”

“Oh, don’t argue over _this_ ,” Connie snorts, swiping her dirty hands on her pants. “It can be both at the same time—aesthetics united perfectly with utility.”

She grins impishly.

“…and a reasonable dose of guilt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x16, "The New Crystal Gems"


	119. Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I spend eight out of eleven minutes of this episode crying, starting with the moment Connie and Priyanka hug so tenderly.

Rose’s room, like most spaces in the Temple, breathes with the gentle murmur of the Crystal Heart, expanding and contracting, awaiting the rare days its gem comes home and _wants_ something.

Stars, how it will bend over itself, how it will trip and fall, to manifest what the Diamond craves: family and love and the possibility of growth and entire cities and costume shops and facsimiles of herself.

The room brings Rose together in clouds of swirling memories.

Not all of them Steven’s.

For it, too, remembers when she was Rose.

She wanted so many extraordinary things.

She wanted Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x17, "Storm in the Room"


	120. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy hell. 
> 
> 12,000 words.
> 
> I know I shouldn't be surprised, but it always floors me that this is where you get after writing one-hundred words a day for a handful of months.
> 
> Thank you, as always, for taking this journey with me. <3

Steven places one hand atop of the other, palms side up, and tries to breathe.

In and out.

Just as Garnet had taught Stevonnie once upon a time.

_Take a moment to think of just flexibility, love, and trust..._

But in the silence, the darkness wrangles itself into all the bitter images he's forced himself to swallow for a week. Ronaldo plunging his katana through the television. Ronaldo making snide remarks about Connie. Ronaldo drinking all his juice boxes.

It’s not _fair._

His life isn’t something that can just be tried on—like an old t-shirt.

It’s not a _game._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x18, "Rocknaldo"


	121. Defeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode is criminally underrated. ;-; I'm emo over Amethyst and Steven now.

Though she can barely stand upright herself, Amethyst carries Steven home on her back, smiling clumsily when his arms envelop her neck. The night paints itself above them in swaths of blue and purple, blurred hazily by the streetlights.

“Yeesh,” she chuckles. “We just got the livin’ shit beat outta us.”

“And asked for it!” Steven laughs, the sound half-muffled against her hair. “Pearl’s gonna go insane when she sees us.”

“Ha. Maybe it’ll all be worth it just to see her face.”

“Nah,” he corrects softly. “It’s worth it already... thanks, Amethyst.”

She swallows thick, suddenly overwhelmed.

“Always, dude.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x19, "Tiger Philanthropist"


	122. Vindication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys... hhh, sorry for the radio silence, but it's been a damn horrible week, lol. 
> 
> My town was heavily impacted by a hurricane, and I've been trying to process that, as well as help with clean up and assisting friends and family. I'm **safe** , as is everyone I know, thank goodness, but as of right now, we still don't have power. :/ Fortunately, though, my dad hooked up our generator, so I at least have tentative WiFi. And _hopefully,_ I'll be able to get power early this week.
> 
> I'm kinda exhausted, lol, but it was nice to step back from worrying for a bit to watch a quick episode of _SU_ and work on a drabble. I'll try to get some more in this week, but they'll be sporadic at best and nonexistent at worst as I try to catch up on schoolwork/wait for power.
> 
> Catch you then, and thank you all for your patience. <3 I miss you guys.

“That _little_ —” Stomping next to her as they schlep their way through swaying stalks of corn, Peridot’s face is screwed up in concentration for the lack of a nickname nasty enough to give Ruby.

“Manipulative clod?” Lapis suggests innocently.

“I was going to utilize a word Amethyst taught me and say _shit_ , but I wasn’t sure if it was a noun or a verb.”

“Ha,” she returns simply enough, but a _shit_ -eating grin crooks at her mouth all the same.

Because she was _right._

About Ruby.

About this planet.

About what it takes to begin healing.

_It takes time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x20, "Room for Ruby"


	123. Rollercoaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for all the kind words you guys left on the last chapter. I've read them all, and they mean a lot to me, more than I can convey here in words. You are so lovely, each and every one of you. I hope you've had a great week so far!
> 
> Our power came back on yesterday, so pretty soon, I should be able to get back into the swing of things!

Greg drops Steven off in front of the beach house, waving goodbye to him just as Garnet opens the door to let him in.

He watches the kid’s retreating form.

He thinks about _Rose_.

It was here, on this beach, where they made those videos.

Sunlight threaded itself through her hair.

They talked about their favorite rock band, and they talked about the ever-changing sky.

They talked about Steven, who could have been Nora, most of all.

She wanted their child to love and to be loved.

Unconditionally.

Entirely.

_Oh._

And she wanted them to try the rollercoaster one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x21, "Lion 4: Alternate Ending"


	124. Multitudes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's do one more! This was such a good episode for Connie and Doug. We (rightfully) talk a lot about the ways Priyanka changes over the course of the series, but in a more subtle way, Doug evolves, too. This is the least strict any iteration of him has been, and it's very sweet to watch.

The Maheswarans drive home on an empty road.

Even still, her dad goes a perfectly legal 45 miles per hour.

Not a number over.

Not an inch.

“You’re a funny man,” Connie suddenly says, wry, _teasing_.

(She gets it from him.)

“You think?”

“Trust me,” she grins. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a person who lets two kids join him on a potentially dangerous stake out _and_ meticulously observes the speed limit at the same time.”

Dad laughs warmly, the lines around his mouth crinkling.

He never takes his eyes off the road.

“I’m a man of multitudes, honey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x22, "Doug Out"


	125. Knead

When Lars was a kid, and he had had a bad day, his mom would unfailingly make ube.

Scraped knee?

She’d already be pulling out the cream cheese.

Rough time at school?

She would let him roll the dough, showing him how to let his knuckles do the work, kneading all the lumpy parts smooth.

She told him, even then, that baking was all about _kneading the lumpy parts smooth._

The yam mixture, the bad day, and all the weird feelings…

There’s a potluck tonight.

He presses his spindly fingers against the dough, kneading and kneading.

It still isn’t enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x23, "The Good Lars"


	126. Sandcastles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This emptiness of the town in this episode is absolutely scary, but also, omg, the Gems + Connie trying to draw Aquamarine gag is one of the funniest bits this show has ever done hafihiofho.

Hours pass, but scour Beach City though they do, Pearl and Amethyst find nothing but a ghost town where only the echoes of those missing humans remain.

The mailman’s bag lying on the beach with half of its contents spilled out.

A phone that possibly belonged one of the donut kids.

And all the _people_ who were left behind, wondering where their loved ones could have gone.

_Have you seen them?_

_Have you?_

“We were... building sandcastles for crabs this morning,” Pearl murmurs.

Distant.

“And now we’re here.”

Amethyst doesn’t miss a beat.

“Sandcastles never stay up for long, P.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x24, "Are You My Dad?"


	127. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so here we are—the end of **Season 4.** I think, when it's all said and done, and I've gotten to evaluate the whole series again, it might shake out to be one of my favorites, both to have watched and to have written. (But honestly, Season 5's gonna give this statement a run for its money.)
> 
> Thank you, as always, for going with me on this ride. Let's keep trucking.

“ _No,_ ” Pearl says, like it means something, like it helps. Her pale hands cleave the water beneath her as she begins to paddle futilely to the spot where Steven disappeared. He said that he loved them, and Rose said it, too, but she’s gone. She’s never coming back. “ _No!_ He can’t have. He isn’t—“

But he did.

He’s gone.

“Pearl!” Garnet growls, tugging her back by the collar of her shirt. “Stop! We have to pull ourselves together.”

_“We have to save Steven!”_

“But how?” Amethyst cries, and both Garnet and Pearl pretend not to hear.

(There isn’t an answer.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4x25, "I Am My Mom"


	128. Coward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my GOD. These first two episodes.
> 
> HHHHHHH, this is _Steven Universe_ firing on all cylinders.

“C’mon, Topaz!” He tries. He can do that at least. For himself. For Steven. (He’s a coward. He flaked on Sadie. She _needed_ him.)“I’m sorry I called you a banana earlier... I didn’t know you felt the way you do!”

But the gem, alien person or whatever continues her brisk pace down a lurid hallway.

Lars knows she can hear him... but he also knows—

“You’re scared. I’m scared. Hell, even _Steven’s_ scared... but sometimes, we gotta do the scary stuff anyway, right?”

_Right, Lars?_

_Right?_

“But... who am I to talk? I couldn’t do the scary stuff either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x01, "Stuck Together"


	129. Unchanging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that any episode with the Diamonds in it immediately becomes a facet about the Diamonds.

“A sword, Yellow. She shattered her with a _sword_.”

In the courtroom, only the Diamonds remain, monoliths in the darkness.

Eternal.

Unchanging.

How many eons have they conquered together?

(How many cycles have they subsisted without Pink, mourned her and missed her and _loved_ her?)

(All too many.)

Yellow Diamond’s fingers carve themselves into Blue’s shoulders.

She wishes she was strong enough to let go.

“That’s why we need to continue the trial,” she returns impatiently. “To get justice. To exact our retribution!”

“It won’t bring her back.”

Yellow isn't expecting it.

(She’s _weak_.)

She flinches.

“No... I suppose not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x02, "The Trial"


	130. Waves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just straight up cried over this episode again.
> 
>  **TW:** Lars's death

No.

The word snarls itself against Steven’s head, over and over, like waves crashing violently against the rocks.

He can’t think.

He can’t _breathe._

Water rises up the column of his throat, and he chokes on it, simply wretches.

Because Lars can’t be—

He _isn’t_ —

_Get up, Lars._

_Get up and call me a dodo brain._

_Knock your shoulder against mine in that begrudgingly affectionate way of yours._

_Tell me to quit sniveling._

_Smile a little crookedly from the side of your mouth._

Steven bends down as gingerly as he can manage and presses his ear against Lars’s chest.

_No._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x03, "Off-Colors"


	131. Sacrifice

“Pearl?”

“Yes, Connie?”

Beneath a star flecked sky, the Renegade and her protégé rest their backs against the barn, gazes bent skywards.

Towards Homeworld.

Towards _Steven._

“Does... he really think so little of himself?” The question is quiet, each word weighed carefully against the strain in Connie’s voice. “Of _us_? He left us behind... just like that... and he didn’t even...”

She trails off into silence.

Pearl tries to fill in the gaps.

“He’s a lot like his mother in that way,” she whispers. “He thinks that love is sacrifice.”

“But it didn’t _have_ to be.”

“No... not this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x04, "Lars's Head"


	132. Tides

Steven _sacrificed_ himself.

He went to Homeworld so that everyone else (minus Lars) could go _home_.

Beach City would remain unchanged.

Untouched.

He would return—(he didn’t plan on returning)—and it would all be okay. His dad would hold him, and the Gems would embrace him, and Connie would be there and—

The crowd carries Nanefua away to celebrate her victory.

Steven shrugs their invitations aside, tells them to go on ahead.

He’ll catch up later...

.... He sits alone on the vacated stage, watching the waves seethe against the shore.

They take everything with them.

And leave nothing behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x05, "Dewey Wins"


	133. Load

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhhh, this episode is so good. This show knows exactly when we _and_ the characters need a breather, a chance to process situations and comprehend them.

Out in the wilderness, far away from the lights, the noise, the traffic of a populated city, Greg and Amethyst sit shoulder to shoulder on a rickety porch.

The silence stretches thin.

It needles them.

“I just wanna knock some sense into him, y’know?” She finally rasps—hoarse, angry, simultaneously worn. “Tell him what a little shit he was for doin’ that to us, and then hug him tight...

“And never let him go,” Greg finishes quietly.

“Yeah.”

“He’s just got so much on his plate. I’m scared to add any more.”

“Man, he’s doing _that_ all on his own.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x06, "Gemcation"


	134. Theft

Night settles upon the bathroom in strange shafts of light that slant in from the lone window—silvery moonbeams and golden porch lights.

Peridot turns away from their taunting glares, pulling her blankets high over her head.

It’s cold in here.

Sterile.

Scented with the after notes of toothpaste.

At home, balmy winds carried the toasted aromas of grass, corn, flowers, and trees through the slats in the barn’s wooden walls, enveloping Peridot, all warmth.

And now the barn's gone—with all the other things that she loved.

Snatched away.

_Stolen._

(Like they had never really been there at all.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x07, "Raising the Barn"


	135. New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode is so funny and so tender all at the same time. ;-;

Amethyst claims she just likes taking a spin in the toilet every so often, that it’s one of her favorite places to be—(the toilet)—but Peridot knows better.

Or, at the very least, she knows _Amethyst._

The Quartz leans against the side of the bathtub in an act the analyst in her rightfully interprets.

Staying.

It is a sign of _love._

“When Rose, like… left… I didn’t really know how t’deal with it either, Peri. I broke a lotta things.”

“And didn’t manage to fix them?” Peridot guesses dully.

Peridot knows.

“Nah… eventually, I just built somethin’ entirely new.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x08, "Back to the Kindergarten"


	136. Flight

With an effortlessness that Sadie could have never achieved, Jenny slides next to her on the steps.

Their shoulders brush, lending her stomach yet another excuse to flutter.

“Heeeeeyyy, Sadie Killer.”

“Hi...”

Jenny briefly searches her beneath the pulsing neon and comes to a horrified conclusion: “Girl, you look like you’re gonna throw up.”

“I’m fine.” She’s not fine. “Just... _nerves_ , y’know?”

Doubt.

Insecurities.

All her many, many fears.

“Pssh, singing on a stage is like quitting your boring job. It’s scary at first, but when you leap…

“You plunge into the abyss?”

“ _Yeah!_ ” Jenny laughs. “And then you _soar_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x09, "Sadie Killer"


	137. Laughter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is so hiofsdhoifh funny that Kevin thought that Lion was a dog.

Aware that her parents are watching through the slats in the window blinds, Connie resists the urge to lean against Steven’s shoulder.

To intertwine her hand with his.

To communicate silently just how much she has missed him.

Instead, she says, “Lion got into our pantry the other day.”

“ _No way!_ ” Steven gasps. “You’re joking!”

“Believe it,” she grins. “My mom lectured him for, like, thirty minutes.”

“ _Lion!_ ” He cries, but below them, stretched out on the pavement, the cat only chuffs indifferently, which is so ridiculous that they can only collapse together in laughter.

Giddy.

Exuberant.

Reunited at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x10, "Kevin Party"


	138. Immortal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sporadic facets this week!! I'd been feverishly working on finishing the latest chapter of "FC," but we should be back to your regularly scheduled programming siodhfioksdfhl.

He doesn’t know how to talk about it to his crew, the feeling, the awful itch, that constricts the column of his throat sometimes when he’s lying in his bunk at whatever hour he constitutes to be night in a galaxy where time doesn’t have proper passage.

He’s never going to get to grow up.

(He’s freaking _dead_.)

On Earth, the sun will assuredly set against an indigo sky, and his folks will gets older, and Sadie will move on, and the leaves cloaking the trees in his yard will continue to fall.

Crumbling to dust.

Never the same again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x11, "Lars of the Stars"


	139. Converse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~There is a pun somewhere in this title.~~

As they wait for the _Incinerator’s_ phasers to clear enough undergrowth for the ship to land, Stevonnie uses the few minutes of silence they‘re given as judiciously as they have all the others.

To digest.

To converse.

To adjust accordingly.

They’re practical like that.

Well, they try to be anyway.

“… I never punched anything, but I think I get how Pink Diamond feels— _felt_ in a way,” they say aloud. “I always felt like the gems were leaving me behind.”

“And... my mom,” they return quietly. “Yellow Diamond reminded us of her. Always so busy.”

“She barely glanced our way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x12, "Jungle Moon"


	140. Embers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode gave me so many unexpected [feels](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/631603840941162496/your-mother-and-mine-is-so-upsetting-but-in-a), omg.
> 
> But also, **14,000** words. That is absolutely and beautifully nuts. 
> 
> Thank you, as always, for coming along for the journey.
> 
> It'd be so lonely without you.

Garnet watches the Off-Colors work—emboldened, revitalized, _hungry_ , a subtle spark in their eyes now, flints in their moving hands.

Embers catching quick.

She doesn’t need future vision to tell her what'll happen next.

Because embers fan into flames, and flames incite action, and action transforms, in a rush of wind and smoke, into _rebellion._

The right to demand _change_ and to know, by stars, that it’s well deserved.

“We could stay?” Steven suggests, voicing exactly what she’s thinking. “We could help them fight!"

"I _wish_ ," Garnet laughs warmly, "but Pearl will kill us if we’re not home for dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x13, "Your Mother and Mine"


	141. Seen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Gets emo over the fact that Greg gets to help Sadie and the Suspects achieve what he never did/be the awesome manager that Marty never was.*

As Sadie’s crescendo swells, breaking over the crowd in spectral echoes, a lump rises in Greg’s throat that has nothing to do with the lyrics of a song about not being seen.

Sure, it’s not _him_ at that mic, rocking a head full of shining hair and wooing big, pink ladies.

Sure, _he’s_ never had an expensive fog machine mystifying a packed stage.

But what he should've done, what he didn’t have, and what he could have been are ghosts he’s long laid to rest.

What matters now is making sure that these kiddos never have to say the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x14, "The Big Show"


	142. Connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode made me so, unbelievably tender.

Steven helps Garnet do the laundry that night, handing her his shirts while she strings them upon the thin line caught between the Temple Gem’s mossy thumb and index finger.

And when they’re done, making quick work of the load together, they find themselves side by side, watching the sun fall away from the darkening sky, its cape trailing behind it in amber, in liquid gold.

“We should hang out more often,” Steven says sleepily.

Garnet’s voice is tender, achingly soft. “I would like that.”

“Because I’ve missed this,” he explains.

It’s important for him to explain.

“I’ve missed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x15, "Pool Hopping"


	143. Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Letters to Lars” is such a charming episode—funny and sweet and a just a tiny bit sad in the way _SU_ so often excels at. Watching the Gems and the humans coexist side by side felt _monumental_ in a way even though they were doing nothing but the _mundane:_ helping draft up evac plans, discovering how to use phones, playing tennis, participating in improv groups...
> 
> It’s so ridiculously human, and I think therein lies the beauty, the growth.
> 
> The Crystal Gems have come a long way since Season 1.

After improv night, Steven and Pearl traipse home through the sand, moonlight crowning their heads silver.

“Amethyst,” she says suddenly, like she’s just now realizing it, “is doing _theater_.”

“And Peridot!” Steven chimes in.

“And Peridot,” she agrees incredulously. _Peridot!_ Their once mortal enemy! “And you and I? We watched them perform.”

“We did!"

“And it was surprisingly easy...”

It’s _easy_ to be with humans.

To do human things.

She’d fought hard to prove Rose wrong on this point.

And lost spectacularly.

Steven grins up at her, mischievous.

Living proof.

“To watch?”

“Oh, stars, no,” she laughs. “That was unbearable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x16, "Letters to Lars"


	144. Full

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my God. I love this show so much.

As Lion soars through the cosmos, Steven twists shaking hands into pink mane and thinks about Pearl.

That was her he saw in his vision.

He’s sure of it.

 _She_ drew Mom’s sword.

And stood in the shadow of Pink Diamond.

Pink Diamond, the tyrant.

Pink Diamond, who wanted to prove herself to the other Diamonds so badly.

Pink Diamond, who was shattered.

Killed.

_Destroyed._

Steven’s chest tightens.

He _needs_ an explanation for the shards on his mother’s hands.

Demands one.

Deserves it.

Because _he’s_ been left behind to pick up all the pieces.

And his arms are getting full.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x17, "Can't Go Back"


	145. Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't _going_ to watch "A Single Pale Rose" tonight, and then I did, and now I'm absolutely undone in the [best of possible ways.](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/632004256973701120/pink-never-intended-itlike-many-of-her-actions)
> 
> Because "ASPR" isn't just an episode.
> 
> God, it's this show firing on all cylinders, telling us exactly what it excels at in eleven minutes—destroying every preconceived conception we've ever had about certain characters and making it _work._
> 
> Holy shit.

Slave, renegade, weapon, rebel. For millennia, Pearl has worn so many meticulously crafted faces, assuming them, discarding them, compartmentalizing them away at will and word.

She catches herself wondering sometimes if this is simply the docility with which she was designed disguising itself as flexibility.

Reinvention.

_Freedom._

But as rapidly as the feeling chokes her, she subjugates it just as quickly, subsumes it with all the rest.

_No one can know._

But _Steven_ will know...

In mere minutes from now…

Seconds.

He will see the illusory shards.

He will _despise_ her.

And she won’t have a defense.

(She never has.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x18, "A Single Pale Rose"


	146. Statue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you guys may or may not know, I _love_ to challenge myself in writing. And really, "Facets" and the "Fragments" series are extensions of that idea on the basis that it's fun for me to try and constrict myself to 100 words—nothing more and nothing less.
> 
> But lately... I've been wanting to try something that's the precise opposite of this format. Instead of limiting myself to 100 words, I want to take one of the facets I've already written and expand upon it to see what I can pull from a pre-established foundation. Many of these facets tend to be self-contained, but there are definitely a handful of them which have room for elaboration, and I think it'd be fun to stretch my muscles like that.
> 
> Here's the part where you come in! There's no real standout to me for one I'm dying to write, so I'll leave the choice up to you! In [this Google form](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSenIPetQCNGPsmgeOXFHoaktpAHH0AtZWAWGRcwOuuZIZgNYA/viewform?usp=sf_link), write the chapter number of the facet you'd potentially like to see expanded one day, and I'll choose the majority winner after October 23rd. You can fill out the form as many times as you'd like!
> 
> Thank you so much! I hope y'all are having a great week.

Sapphire doesn’t go far, even though she could—even though she could very well run and run to the polar ends of this world, encasing it all over in ice and sleet and snow.

 _No_... she stays close.

She doesn’t want to be selfish.

To wreak damage without regard.

To be haphazard.

She doesn’t want to be Pink Diamond.

She doesn’t want to be _Rose._

Flinchingly, almost against her will, she raises her head to look at that smoothly marbled face, so tranquil and benevolent, blissfully unaware that her beneficiaries have finally unmasked her.

Even her eyes are closed.

Unseeing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x19, "Now We're Only Falling Apart"


	147. Burdens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tysm to everyone who has already responded to the poll!! Y'all have chosen some great ones. 👀

They comb the town all over for signs of Ruby, but come hell or the high waters of the beach, the little gem is nowhere to be found.

And Amethyst can see it in Steven’s dark eyes—how much it bothers him, how he’s already added Ruby and Sapphire’s burdens onto his exhausted shoulders along with all the rest.

Garnet’s falling apart.

Pearl’s been falling apart for a very long time.

And Amethyst... Amethyst is just trying to keep it together long enough to not have a freakin’ meltdown in the middle of the boardwalk.

Because this isn’t about _her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x20, "What's Your Problem?"


	148. Punchline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soft.

As the sun lowers itself into the sea, casting the world in orange and molten gold, a horse, a Pearl, and a half-human boy stand on a deck together.

There’s no punchline.

In the end, there is only _love._

A transforming into helicopters and horses and surprisingly matured gems kind of love.

A devotion to keeping a ghost’s final secret kind of love.

A searching the town all over to find you kind of love.

In the hazy distance, Ruby throws Sapphire into the air again and again.

A catching her before she ever hits the ground kind of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x21, "The Question"


	149. Distinction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Made of Honor” makes me emotional for the simple reason that it’s about what it means to have lost something after a war: loved ones, time, and sometimes, even a grip on yourself.
> 
> But, it’s also about what it takes to begin to move on from those traumas: reckoning with those emotions, talking them out, both extending grace _and_ accepting it.
> 
> Never entirely, of course.
> 
> _But it’s a start._

They lean against the railing together, Bismuth and Pearl, and somehow, it’s the most natural thing in the world.

And somehow, too, at the very same time, it feels so _wrong._

Five thousand years stand between them, and Bismuth hasn’t yet comprehended their passing.

Her _loss._

Five thousand years, and Pearl has survived them all: the war, the hurt, the secrets and secrets and secrets.

“It’s all so confusing,” Bismuth admits. “I used t’know who I was fighting for... and what I was fighting _against_...”

“For me,” Pearl murmurs, “the lines were only distinct as long as she was here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x22, "Made of Honor"


	150. Today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, _man_ —the milestones we've summited just between these two days alone.
> 
> This facet marks 150— _15,000 words written over five months._
> 
> And yesterday, we hit 1,000 comments.
> 
> That's all kinds of insane in the best of the possible ways. Getting to chat with you guys in the comments is one of the highlights of my week, and to me, it's what makes "Facets" so special—that it's more than just 100 words I spit out every day
> 
> It's a dialogue between you and me. <3 Thank you so, so much.

As the song swells to an electric crescendo, Garnet hugs herself as tightly as she can and _dances_ —simply revels in the feeling, the glorious, sweeping sensation—of being _alive._

For 5750 years and eight months.

From now to the very end of eternity.

She is light and love and sound and touch.

Their fury, their patience, their pain, their overwhelming joy.

She knows that tomorrow and the next day and the day after that, she’ll have to reckon with the problem of Rose.

But tomorrow is not now.

It is not this moment.

So, Garnet dances.

Radiant.

Infinite.

_Here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x23/4, "Reunited"


	151. Triumph

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of thoughts about ["Reunited."](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/632319656040038400/reunitedre-watch-that-is-a-little-bit) Oh, my GOD. What an episode.

The Diamonds stand together, repelling the petty attacks of gems who have not yet realized that they have lost.

Resistance is futile.

_Hope._

All it would take is one charged pulse, and the shards of these infernal Crystal Gems would clatter to the ground with the rest of the debris—ship shrapnel, splinters, Rose Quartz lying in the sand.

Finally subjugated.

Soon to be destroyed.

Yellow waits impatiently for triumph to heighten the color of her gem, for victory to reclaim the lines beneath her eyes, for Blue’s melancholia to miraculously dissipate.

(She waits in vain.)

 _How miserable_ , she thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x23/4, "Reunited"


	152. Communion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's only now dawned on me that I'm only a few episodes away from finishing the main show. ;-; I'm very proud, but I'm also, like, inexplicably sad ioahfioho.

As Pink’s ship swims through the galaxy, bending pockets of space and time, the Diamonds converse, quietly, in the sanctified dimension of their minds.

A little tentative.

Halting and hesitant.

It has been millennia since the tendrils of their thoughts have last touched, been together, _communed._

They spiral into each other.

They begin to uncoil.

_White is going to punish us, you know._

_Yes_ , Blue returns feebly, _that is likely true._

_Then why are we doing this again?_

_Because we love Pink... and I… we cannot lose her again._

An infinitesimal sigh filters through Yellow’s nose.

_No... that we cannot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x25, "Legs from Here to Homeworld"


	153. Lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on ["Familiar"](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/632589557135769600/from-the-title-downwards-familiar-is-about) here!
> 
> Quick reminder that the deadline for [submitting facets](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSenIPetQCNGPsmgeOXFHoaktpAHH0AtZWAWGRcwOuuZIZgNYA/viewform) you want to see me expand sometime is this Friday! I'll probably keep accepting submissions 'til midnight!

Steven braces his hands on the edge of the vanity, a strange twinge in his stomach as the display reveals drawings that his mother had once done, little doodles.

She didn’t draw noses either—just like him.

She was good at coloring inside the lines.

 _Because that’s what Homeworld gems do_ , he thinks.

He’s seen enough to know.

Blue and Yellow Diamond... already leaving him behind.

They have duties to attend to.

Responsibilities.

 _I’m sorry, Steven_ , Pearl used to explain. _We have a mission._

(But Pearl’s been acting weird, too.)

(Her face brightened at the prospect of a Diamond ball.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x26, "Familiar"


	154. Patterns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of Pearl feelings this morning hidsfohiodh. 
> 
> Also!! So, for "Change Your Mind," I'm going to do four pieces, and for the movie, I'm thinking of doing six. I haven't seen _Future_ yet, so I don't know the lay of the land there; are there any half-hour or one hour episodes? If so, I'll adjust my chapter count accordingly!!

Spine stiff, shoulders squared—her entire body nothing more than a mere vessel for unwavering service to her Diamond.

Pink Diamond.

If Pearl closes her eyes, she can almost conjure the presence of her—her very essence—as the Diamond waltz echoes across the cavernous chamber.

Her hair.

Her goofy smile.

The faint floral scent that used to wreathe her as she sat upon her throne.

So bored and so lonely...

Pearl’s thin brow furrows.

The vision, the memories, the aching nostalgia, the _yearning_ all dissipate.

But when she opens her eyes again, traces linger.

Patterns.

Steven’s bored.

Steven’s _lonely._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x27, "Together Alone"


	155. Harmony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's the last day to submit suggestions for facets you'd like to see me expand one day! You can find the Google form [here!](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSenIPetQCNGPsmgeOXFHoaktpAHH0AtZWAWGRcwOuuZIZgNYA/viewform?usp=sf_link)
> 
> Also, I genuinely cannot believe that I'll be tackling "Change Your Mind" tomorrow. Where has the time gone? ;-;

Current borne, wave tossed, the sun sucking on his watermelon skin, Steven thinks of the war he just left behind.

No longer accidental creations, the Watermelon Stevens have learned to create life for themselves.

They’ve constructed towns, roads, and distinct modes of being.

Somewhere along the way, they chose sides.

They fell apart.

They’ve fought.

But _then,_ Steven tried to build a boat, and there were others, individuals, who wanted to _help_ him build a boat.

(He couldn’t do it alone.)

And _then,_ before he knew it, they were all working together, hand brushing against striated hand in harmony.

_Resolution._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x28, "Escapism"


	156. Atonement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, man... here were are. The last four facets of the main show.
> 
> When I woke up this morning, and watched ["Change Your Mind,"](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/632952004530028544/change-your-mind-re-watch-ive-been-dealing) I felt a little sad—disbelieving that we were finally here—and yet upon watching it, all of those feelings were just as immediately displaced, overwhelmed by a total love and appreciation for this show all over again, entirely.
> 
> Man, _Steven Universe_ is so important to me.
> 
> I've got all of the last drabbles written, but I can only post one for right now hiohdfaoihf because I have to run an errand. So, I'll see y'all later this afternoon!!

In the cleft of time between leaving the Tower and infiltrating Yellow’s throne room, Blue Diamond simply stares at Pink…

_Steven._

He prefers to be called _Steven_.

Stretched out on the pale tile, eyes closed in temporary respite.

She could stand here—quite literally forever—and watch him, and it would be enough.

But it would also be _selfish_ , and she doesn’t want to _be_ selfish.

She wants to unlearn herself.

She needs to atone.

But from what Blue knows of love and suffering, she intuits the same is true of atonement.

Always continuous.

A choice made again and again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x29-32, "Change Your Mind"


	157. Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, also! Thank you to everyone who filled out the poll. The winner is #110, "Habit"! I wasn't honestly expecting this one to be in the running, but I'm glad that it was. I think I have an idea that works for it. :')

Kneeling upon the crumbling stone her entire world has been constructed upon, Yellow Diamond allows herself to be held upright by warm hands, slender fingers.

Blue and Blue and Blue.

The acrid smell of smoke clouds her.

Lingers.

_Burns._

(Because _Yellow_ did that. _Yellow_ hurt her. Almost poofed her. Disincorporated her.)

But Blue Diamond cradles her gently, as though she doesn’t hold that against her, touches her intimately, all the words she doesn’t say pressed tenderly against the space in Yellow’s mind where their thoughts dance in the dusk.

_I love you._

Yellow’s entire gem heaves.

Undone.

_I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x29-32, "Change Your Mind"


	158. Commonality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a theme that's connecting all these "Change Your Mind" facets. Can you guess it? ;)

Poured into so many gems, White Diamond understands everything.

Comprehends it all.

These tiny consciousnesses who have forgotten the perfection to which they were called.

Their insecurities.

Their fears.

Their sniveling sadnesses.

And that commonality between all of them, from her wayward Diamonds to those insipid Crystal Gems.

_Love._

Oh, how all these gems think that they _love_ someone—and how they think it matters—when really, it is this trifle above all which hinders their ability to be members of a flawless society.

And Starlight!

La!

_Starlight._

Always so full of herself.

She must love herself most of all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x29-32, "Change Your Mind"


	159. Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, not only have we reached the end of Season 5, but goodness, we've reached the end of the main show. Thank you all so much, each and every one of you, for coming with me on this journey. I know I say it all the time, but I hope it never loses its impact when I say that I genuinely don't think I would have cared to do this with you guys. You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me think about this show in new ways that I would have never done before, and for that, I am so, so lucky to have you all.
> 
>  **Notes:**  
>  • Because school's going to be a pain in the arse this week, I probably won't get to re-watch the movie 'til Thursday/Friday/Saturday, which means that "Facets" is going to be on hold for a couple of days. However, I'll be spending some of this downtime drafting on "Flower Child," and, well... I think I'm going to open up ["Fragments II" prompts again.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17803637/chapters/42004658)  
> • "Fragments II" is the drabble project which directly preceded "Facets"! And when I took my hiatus, it hidhfoiahfoi was abruptly abandoned. I really want to finish it, though, so I can move on to one last entry in the series!  
> • At any rate, though, the way "Fragments II" works is that you give me a prompt, and if I like it, I'll run with it!! Since I _started_ that project without knowledge of what happens after "CYM," I think I'm going to keep prompts limited to anything from the main series up to "Change Your Mind"—missing moments, what-ifs, character studies, etc. And then, during an eventual "Fragments III," I'll take prompts from the movie and _Future._  
>  • This is all to say, I'll open up prompts here, so feel free to drop one by if you have something you'd like to see me explore! 
> 
> Finally, thank you again. <3 I hope you have a fantastic week.

Steven Universe sits upon the shore where he’d once learned to walk while holding his dad’s hand.

And now he’s fourteen, and he’s strumming his ukulele, playing a song for the sea.

He hasn’t picked up his ukulele in weeks.

Hasn’t had the time, the music, the _words_.

Only that little voice inside his head that’s told him, _You’re nobody._

_You’re her._

_You’re not you…_

But he is.

_He is._

Flesh and gem and magic and bone.

He is _Steven._

He is _loved._

His family surrounds him: Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl.

He smiles at them.

He _sings._

“ _… I love me._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5x29-32, "Change Your Mind"


	160. Blank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween, folks! I hope y'all are having a great day/night! Stay safe, eat lots of candy, and enjoy a good time with your loved ones.
> 
> [I re-watched the movie today,](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/633518009482428416/a-special-world-built-just-for-pink-and-i) and hhh, it was as good as I remembered. I'll post three facets today and save the rest for tomorrow. c:

“Hey! _No!_ Gimme that!” Flushing, Greg snatches a pair of his dirty boxers away from Pearl, tucking them close to his chest. “Those are dirty, Pearl! You _hate_ dirt!”

“But, my um-Greg Universe,” Pearl returns immediately, in that unwaveringly obsequious monotone, “I don’t hate anything _you_ don’t hate.”

“Yeah, well… just… er… let me handle them, alright? I've got this.”

“Yes, my um-Greg Universe!”

He turns away from Pearl then.

Can’t stand to look at her anymore.

At the blankness in her eyes.

The absence of all their tangled, complicated, constantly _evolving_ history.

(They played guitar together.)

(Just this morning.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Steven Universe: The Movie,_ 1/6


	161. Likeness

It’s not _difficult_ to recall Rose Quartz—her fluffy hair, those big ass eyes, her gentle smile...

She used to smile so often.

And Amethyst would spend hours simply staring at her, _mimicking_ her, loving her… so it’s not hard at all to force her light to remember Rose’s shape.

(It ain’ exactly easy either.)

Because there, in the middle of the crowd, is _Steven_ , and there are lines beneath his eyes, dark circles, his mouth slightly parted in injury.

In horror.

In so many other emotions besides.

Because it hurts to even _look_ at her.

(This isn’t Amethyst’s condemnation.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Steven Universe: The Movie,_ 2/6


	162. Garden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cries on Spinel. I keep thinking of the _Adventure Time_ song "Everything Stays" in relation to her.

Back in the very place where she had once waited to be found for six thousand years, Spinel understands, for the first time, the ravages of neglect upon a garden untended.

The barren trees.

The withered flowers.

Detritus and faded debris.

Feeling Steven Universe’s gaze on her back of her neck, she sings and sings, _sings_ until her throat is hoarse, _sings_ until the whole story is free from her gem.

Her palm skims a cracked statue.

Her eyes rake the parasitic vines that have grown up through the stone.

Ruined, abandoned, left behind—there are fates worse than shattering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Steven Universe: The Movie,_ 3/6


	163. Name

Strange visions trickle through Garnet’s head, rivering the darkness in half.

She tries to follow their streams, chases after them, _swims._

But does she go to the left or to the right?

Red wires or blue wires?

Is she one gem or two?

Why did Sapphire... _why did I_ —(we?)—risk everything to save Ruby?

Who is she?

What am I?

In one tributary out of hundreds, the boy in the pink jacket throw his arms around her midsection, whispering her name like it means something.

_Garnet._

Other gems surround her, too.

The Amethyst.

The Pearl.

 _Garnet,_ they rejoice. _Garnet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Steven Universe: The Movie_ , 4/6


	164. Grief

White Diamond gently lowers Spinel to the palace floor before straightening up with the other two.

Their shadows lengthen across the marble, darkening the thrones at the far end of the chamber.

White, blue, yellow, and... _pink._

When court wasn’t in session, Spinel used to sit upon the arm of that chair for hours, telling Pink stupid jokes.

Oh, how she laughed and laughed...

(Never again.)

(She’s gone.)

( _She left you._ )

(Even still.)

“Does... it ever stop hurting?”

The childish question falls from her lips before she can stop herself.

“Stars, no,” Blue whispers.

“But that’s perfectly okay,” Yellow replies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Steven Universe: The Movie_ , 5/6


	165. Jacket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit—and with this last Facet, we've finished _Steven Universe: The Movie._
> 
> Holy shit.
> 
> All that's left now is _Future._
> 
> I'm excited, and I'm sad, and I'm nonetheless ready to finally finish this show that has meant so much to me for a very long time.

Steven glances down at his elbow, burnt where the injector’s poison splashed him.

He’ll be able to heal himself easily—no big deal.

But his jacket... that _isn’t_ going to be so easily fixed, the fabric eviscerated, damaged, destroyed.

Maybe he’ll ask Pearl to sew it up for him if she has enough pink thread somewhere in her head… or maybe, he’ll just buy a new one, and then, like, twenty more, so he’ll have spares.

And then, he’ll fold this one up on a shelf, pedestalizing it like Mom’s fragmented sword.

His latest entry in a collection of brokenness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Steven Universe: The Movie,_ 6/6


	166. Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go—the start of _Steven Universe: Future._
> 
> I've written my thoughts on the first episode [here,](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/633953573751881728/little-homeschool-thoughts-woof-ngl-ive-been) and before we continue, some quick notes!
> 
> Beyond the first episode, this'll be my first time watching anything from _Future,_ which means that I'd really appreciate it if the comment sections were kept as spoiler free as possible! (You guys have already done a great job at that, tho, so I'm not worried at all!) This being said, I'm definitely not completely unspoiled, lol—I've seen a lot of gifs and meta on Tumblr.
> 
> If this makes sense, I know the basic beats of _Future_ —that it's about exploring Steven's trauma, that it includes him accidentally shattering Jasper at one point, that eventually, he transforms into some sort of beast.
> 
> But I don't know the intimate details, the scenes and dialogue that lead up to these moments, so those are just the sorts of things that I'll be discovering on this watch through!
> 
> Hope y'all are having a great week so far, and to my American readers, hhhhh, I hope you're taking care of yourself. It's been a stressful few days, but we'll get through this.
> 
> Together.

His bedtime routine is pretty uncomplicated as far as bedtime routines go.

Brush his teeth.

Swipe a comb through his hair.

Polish his gem, gently swabbing the smooth facets with a q-tip.

Beneath the harsh overheads illuminating the bathroom, the diamond seems strangely dull.

Dormant even.

Simply a part of him, like he imagines bellybuttons are supposed to be….

But something happened today when he fought Jasper.

When she _goaded_ him.

(Maybe even _understood_ him.)

He glowed pink.

Power surged through his veins—unfettered energy.

Magic.

Strength.

The insistent thrum of rage.

And it felt _good_.

Stars, he felt _invincible._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x01, "Little Homeschool"


	167. Existential

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on ["Guidance"](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/634133106462539777/guidance-thoughts-it-is-one-of-the-sweetest) here, but essentially, they can be summed up by the phrase, "I love Little Larimar." sahdiohiohsfiooi
> 
> Also, sorry for such a weird Facets schedule! I'll try to get to comments soon as well. It's just been a strange decade of a week.

Steven cradles the huge teddy bear protectively in his arms as he and Amethyst amble their way back to the Temple.

He took an L today.

He screwed up.

He didn’t trust Amethyst’s judgment.

But at least he helped _someone._

That counts, right?

Little Larimar said that she’d never been so happy....

She simply _beamed._

He wants that for himself.

(He thought he had already gotten it.)

“You good, bro?” Amethyst suddenly asks, elbowing him in ribcage. “Y’look constipated.”

He kinda wants to talk to her about it.

(He doesn’t know what he would say.)

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Just tired.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x02, "Guidance"


	168. Refuge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my _God_. What a glorious end to an unfathomably hard week. 😭
> 
> I've wept all my salt and then some. 
> 
> I hope all of y'all can get some rest today; I don't think I'm getting out my pajamas, lmao.
> 
> Thoughts on ["Rose Buds"](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/634224203035475968/rose-buds-thoughts-the-fact-that-this-episode) here. It was such a good episode, but it emotionally undid me.

Stretched out in the bathtub while Garnet straddles the toilet, Pearl would kill for a one way warp to the cosmos... but that would mean making her way through the kitchen, where the Rose Quartzes are making small talk with an increasingly high-pitched—

“ _Steven,_ ” she groans. “We’ve abandoned Steven.”

“Yes,” Garnet replies succinctly.

“We should go rescue him,” she insists weakly. “This can’t be easy on him either.”

“We should.”

“But we’re not going to... are we?”

“Nope.”

“ _Stars,_ ” Pearl exhales. “I couldn’t even call her Rose.”

Garnet doesn’t say anything.

Only reaches over.

Places shivering fingertips on Pearl’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x03, "Rose Buds"


	169. Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode made me cry at, like, six a.m. this morning, so I am in my feels today, lads. Oh, my _God._
> 
> [Thoughts here!](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/634406255747891200/volleyball-thoughts-this-episode-is-also-going)

Together, the three of them watch the moon skate silver across the vast expanse of ocean.

Pearl, Steven, and... _Volleyball._

The things left behind.

Of course, they aren’t _things_.

Not anymore.

But Volleyball thinks it will possibly take thousand of years more to ever unlearn that.

Indeed, Pearl is still unlearning.

They intertwine hands.

Gently.

They can unlearn together.

Steven sits beside them, digging his hands into the white-leached sand, feeling the particles sift through the gaps between his fingers.

He’s happy for the Pearls.

_Really._

A soft smile on his cracked lips, he realizes he’s never been more alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x04, "Volleyball"


	170. Show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on ["Bluebird"](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/634585714137399296/bluebird-thoughts-awhwhwh-i-love-the-little) here!
> 
> I'm so sad for Greg, but I also love the little gremlin which is Bluebird. hIOSHISOHOI.
> 
> Also, holy shit, y'all. **17,000** words. That is absolutely nuts.

Ignoring the fact that there’s still a van in his house for his own sanity, Steven takes his breakfast on the balcony, using the railing to prop up his cereal bowl.

Amethyst sidles next to him, followed by Pearl.

In another moment, he feels arms around his neck that can only belong to Garnet, warm and secure.

“You guys didn’t have to form Alexandrite, y’know,” he tells them, chuckling. “I could’ve taken care of Bluebird myself.”

“Yeah, we know,” Amethyst shrugs.

“But we’ll _always_ show up for you,” Pearl murmurs.

“Even when we’re a little late,” Garnet finishes softly.

Apologetically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x05, "Bluebird"


	171. Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO, WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS EPISODE HIAODHFAIOHIOHFIOHOI. It was so funny, but that twist absolutely fooled me, omg!!!!
> 
> Thoughts [here!](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/634672638703419392/a-very-special-episode-thoughts-yooooooo)

“ _Aaaaaaaand,_ cut!” Sunstone grins, falling back into their components in a burst of light.

Garnet holds Steven aloft in her arms while he laughs.

He could be ten again, giggling about being bounced in the air.

He’s sixteen now, and some things never change.

“That’s a wrap on all the skatepark scenes,” he chuckles. “All we have left are a few of the Rainbow Quartz parts, and then Sunstone can edit the clips on my laptop.”

“Later,” Garnet says, never placing him down. “For _now_ , we take a break.”

“And grab a slice of pizza, maybe?”

"Or two," she beams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x06, "A Very Special Episode"


	172. Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, this episode made me so emotional. It might be my favorite of the season so far. I loved how it was fundamentally about _family_.
> 
> About _love._
> 
> Hhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭
> 
> Thoughts [here!](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/634860510297407488/snow-day-thoughts-omg-steven-and-i-roughly)

They spend the rest of the evening together, playing board games and watching movies that _aren’t_ intended for six-year olds.

Garnet makes popcorn by heating a bag between her hands, and Pearl doles out mugs of hot chocolate, pressing a kiss in Steven’s hair when he grins at her with that smile she so loves.

“Cinnamon! You remembered!”

“Of course,” she returns fondly. “How could I ever forget?”

And so they sprawl on the blanket nest that Amethyst made, three gems, a boy, and a cat.

Snow gently sugars the world outside the window, swirling white beyond glass and dusk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x07, "Snow Day"


	173. Realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys! Sorry for the short lapse in "Facets." I'm in the week before Thanksgiving break at school, and homework has been insane. ;-; 
> 
> This episode was so much fun, though—a great way to add nuance to Lapis's arc, which has always revolved around her internal doubts, insecurities, and, well, _self-loathing._ And that's something I'm glad that _Future_ took the opportunity to touch base upon again.
> 
> Thoughts on [Why So Blue?](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/635219351581114368/why-so-blue-thoughts-my-blue-diamond-loving) here!

Lapis and Lapis, whom Steven promptly nicknames Dancer for the fact that she loves to twirl, walk along the shoreline, their feet just barely grazing sand.

The balmy night crowns them, decorates their heads in sundry stars.

“Lapis and I,” Dancer explains softly, “we emerged at the same time, inseparable ever since... where she began, I ended. We could finish each other’s sentences. But she has so much anger inside of her... I didn’t realize it until—“

But she hesitates, biting her lip.

“Until you realized that _you_ could be happy,” Lapis concludes gently. “That you had a choice.”

“ _Yes._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x08, "Why So Blue?"


	174. Left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this episode ruined my life. I'm in so much pain. ;-;-;-;
> 
> [Thoughts here!](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/635319348597342208/little-graduation-thoughts-baker-boy-lars-is-so)

Steven stretches across the top of the Dondai for hours upon hours, watching the stars glitter distantly above him, listening to the wind slither softly through the trees.

Last night returns to him in violent snatches.

Sadie’s fear as she pressed her back against a dome that couldn’t be stopped.

The feel of Lars’s jacket clenched between his fingers.

The numbness that came with Lars finally pulling away.

“See ya later, weirdo.”

_Goodbye._

Steven’s car battery dies at some point, Sadie’s sweet song abruptly cut off.

Extinguished.

And all that’s left is the silence, the cloistering feeling of being alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x09, "Little Graduation"


	175. Carnage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys just let me go into this episode blind, huh? HFIOHDIOHOD. No emotional preparation for one of the most emotionally devastating eleven-minutes this show has ever given me. Oh, my GOD. This episode. That last exchange between Pearl and Steven genuinely made me cry.
> 
> Thoughts [here!](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/635673406189207552/prickly-pair-thoughts-i-love-how-garnet-is)

Steven insists on cleaning the carnage by himself, even though Garnet picks up a broom, Pearl grabs her favorite vacuum, and Amethyst bluntly says, “Let us help you, dude.”

She’s not talking about wood splinters and glass and broken doors.

But Steven repeats fiercely, “It’s fine. It’s _my_ mess. I’ll clean it up.”

He shoos them away.

Again and again.

They sit on the beach together—Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl—but not too far away from the house, though, in case he calls them.

(He won’t.)

Pearl’s shoulders shiver in such a way that Amethyst knows she’s fighting back tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x10, "Prickly Pair"


	176. Annoying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my goodness. 
> 
> **300 Kudos.**
> 
> Thank you all so much for helping me to achieve this milestone... your love and support for this fic is overwhelming in the best of ways. <3 Every kind word, every read, and every kudos—I'm so thankful to you all.
> 
> Thoughts on ["In Dreams"](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/636131468569116672/in-dreams-thoughts-let-the-boy-party) here!

“Alright,” Peridot commands, “time to get some sleep—for real this time.”

“But it’s nearly six in the morning,” Steven protests, yawning into his hand. “I’ll have to be up soon anyway.

“Nope,” she returns, holding up her tablet to show him the statistic she just conveniently found. “Overruled. Organic beings need _at least_ eight hours of sleep in order to function.”

“You’re annoying,” he grins at her.

He teases.

She saw his nightmare; she knows it isn’t true.

He’s hurting.

(She should have realized sooner—he’s been hurting all along.)

“Incrementally,” she returns, “but only because I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x11, "In Dreams"


	177. Moves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shut up, y'all, this episode made me so gosh darn soft hhiaosfhhfhhid. 😭😭😭😭😭 Bispeeaaaaaaarl!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Thoughts [here!](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/636344225454243840/bismuth-casual-thoughts-the-shot-of-connie)

“You surprised me in there, Bis,” Pearl smiles, eyes twinkling softly beneath the streetlights. “I didn’t know you had moves like _that_.”

 _Stars, she’s so close_ , Bismuth swallows.

And she’s radiant.

Open.

Her hair slightly ruffled by the breeze.

She’s never seen Pearl so happy before.

Never known her to be this carefree.

“Aw, well, you know me,” she chuckles, “I’m _full_ of surprises.”

“And I’ve always admired that in you,” Pearl returns fondly. “Dearly.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes! I used to think spontaneity wouldn’t become me—”

“It suits you,” Bismuth says automatically. “All over.”

Speechless, Pearl’s face colors in tender delight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x12, "Bismuth Casual"


	178. Finite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When that boy got down on one knee, I had to, like, pause the episode for three minutes to recover from the secondhand horror of it all. ;-; This episode—oh, my go d.
> 
> Thoughts [here!](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/636673565905862656/together-forever-thoughts-connverse)

Steven spends the rest of his night with a stomachache, the natural consequence of having eaten half a cake by himself, and Garnet stays up with him, too—running a washcloth beneath the kitchen sink, water breaking over her fingertips, the future rivering over her head.

For she can see every time Steven makes a choice that’s going to hurt him.

The possibilities stretch ad infinitum and finitely.

He’ll keep hurting himself.

(He’ll eventually break.)

_Then why didn’t you stop me?_

She knew better than to say, _It wouldn’t have mattered anyway._

 _I’m doing it anyway,_ he insisted.

_I know._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x13, "Together Forever"


	179. Trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want y'all to know that this episode emotionally devastated me on every god forsaken level, and I have wept my salt this morning.
> 
> Also, also, I would literally die for Priyanka Maheswaran.
> 
> Also, also, also, so sorry for the delay on replying to comments (both on here and "Fragments II")! I'll try to work through my inbox soon!!
> 
> Thoughts on "Growing Pains" [here.](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/636862270569349120/growing-pains-thoughts-dogcopter-6-til-death)

“He... he proposed to me, Mom,” Connie admits, each word stilted, hesitant, painfully subjugated by her desire to not let her mother know how badly it’s all gotten to her, how confusing it all has been.

“I said no—obviously—but I think I hurt him, Mom. I mean, you saw what happened. It’s my fau—”

But her mother cuts across her then, the interruption neat and precise, like a scalpel incision.

“ _No, Connie._ ”

But when she continues, her voice is surprisingly soft to be a blade.

“Steven’s trauma isn’t yours to shoulder... and frankly? It shouldn’t be his either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x14, "Growing Pains"


	180. Fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought the _last_ episode was bad.
> 
> But fuck, fuck, fucking, fuck, this episode just sliced my heart into two clean halves and stomped on both of them. Someone pls come hold me.
> 
> Thoughts [here.](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/637038864317530112/mr-universe-thoughts-pie-in-ice-cream-looks)
> 
> (Also, omg!! 180 facets. Thank you all so much again and again and again for coming with me on this journey... I genuinely cannot believe we've reached the last five.)

Smoking metal, twisted scraps.

Every few minutes, Greg peers behind him through the tow truck’s back window to see the remnants of his van smolder on the lift.

But when this masochistic habit gets to be too much, he switches to an even worse one—glancing at his son, who has his head leaned against the window, face turned away.

From him.

Assuredly.

“Yer some lucky bastards,” the truck driver whistles appreciatively. “Don’ see too many people get outta wrecks like that unhurt. Yer sure you don’ wanna swing by the hospital or somethin’?”

“Nah,” Greg returns reflexively. “We’re fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x15, "Mr. Universe"


	181. Texts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode gave me psychical damage—God, those last two minutes alone. 
> 
> The shot of him bending over that swirling bathtub with tears running down his face.
> 
>  _Future_ as a whole is about contending with the trauma that has been done to you, and this episode drives home the accompanying corollary: 
> 
> If you don't deal with that trauma, you're going to hurt yourself.
> 
> And fundamentally, other people.
> 
> Thoughts [here.](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/637581541608980480/fragments-thoughts-i-already-know-this-episode)

**Pearl:** Steven, where are you?

 **Pearl:** Please, Steven, at least let us know that you’re safe—that you’ve eaten, that you have a roof to sleep under.

 **Pearl:** Garnet has predicted that it’s going to storm, and I don’t want you to catch a cold...

 **Pearl:** I don’t know what’s happening to you right now, and it scares me.

 **Pearl:** All of us.

 _And I’m not sure how to reach out to you_ , she types painfully.

_Tell me what you need to hear._

_I love you._

But she doesn’t send these words in the end.

Steven hurtles through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x16, "Fragments"


	182. Reflection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is hands down my favorite episode of _Future_ so far. Oh, my God—the Diamonds were all in peak form. Thank u for my life, Crewniverse.
> 
> Thoughts [here!](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/637672420045684736/homeworld-bound-thoughts-i-wasnt-going-to)

“Spinel, come here, please...”

Spinel slinks up to Blue’s outstretched palm in a few effortless movements, allowing herself to be tucked against the cold facets of her diamond.

She always likes for Spinel to be close on bad days.

And it’s now a bad day, Spinel can tell.

Yellow’s fingertips have carved themselves into the marble of the doorway.

“I let him possess me,” White whispers, horrified. “I thought that it would help... but it only made things worse.”

“In what way?” Yellow asks.

“He saw himself clearly in my shadow and reflection... in the aftermath of my terrible deed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x17, "Homeworld Bound"


	183. Precipice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhhh, I wanted to watch this episode sooner, but unfortunately, I've been feeling unwell these past couple of days. I hope you guys have had a great week, though, and I'm excited to finish Facets out in these next couple of days.
> 
> But man, I'm a little sad, too.
> 
> Endings are always bittersweet in that kind of way.
> 
> Thoughts on the episode [here.](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/638217183299813377/everything-is-fine-thoughts-ooooh-so-were)

The hours slink past in silence and fear.

And still, the warp pad remains dull.

Steven has yet to return from Little Homeschool, but Connie and Greg are on their way.

_Hurrying._

“That’s it,” Amethyst growls. “We’re going after him.”

“No,” Garnet hears herself say. “We can’t... he’ll feel cornered and react badly. He’ll run.”

“So we just... we wait for him to come to _us_?” Pearl asks incredulously.

“No. I... I don’t know. I can’t—“ But Garnet’s voice breaks upon itself.

Because every time she looks into Steven’s future now, she sees him standing upon a yawning precipice.

Teetering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x18, "Everything is Fine"


	184. Swarmed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, folks!! I hope you all have had a happy holidays, and Merry belated Christmas if you celebrate it!!! My late Christmas present to myself was apparently giving myself extreme pain by watching [this episode](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/638575458523430912/i-am-my-monster-thoughts-oh-the-shot-of-sour) hiodhfioahisofhio.
> 
> One more ep. of _Future_ to go before Facets is finished. I don't know about you guys, but that's got me feeling some type of way... I think I'll do a "Fragments II" tomorrow, try to catch up on my inbox, and then finish up Facets on Monday! Hope you guys have a great rest of the weekend!

The dark thoughts swarm Steven quicker than he can get his bearings, gathering like angry bees at the edges of his mind.

_I turned into a monster._

_I could have hurt my family._

_Did I hurt them?_

**_I wanted to._ **

He curls his fingers into Lion’s fur and grapples with his own cruelty.

Sobbing.

But then, there is Pearl, gently thumbing his face, Garnet’s fingers in his hair, and Amethyst’s warm arms around his shoulders.

And then, there is Dad and Peridot and Lapis and Bismuth.

The Diamonds.

Spinel.

Connie grabs his free hand.

“Hey,” she whispers softly. “We’re here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F1x19, "I Am My Monster"


	185. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly six months and 185 drabbles later, here we are—the end of _Facets,_ and I don't know what else to say other than _thank you_.
> 
> So much.
> 
> For everything.
> 
> For it all.
> 
> When I first started _Facets,_ I don't think I ever could have anticipated the level of engagement that this fic would receive, but beyond a shadow of a doubt, I'm grateful for every kind word, every Kudos, every hit, every like and reblog on Tumblr that's accompanied me on this journey to rewatch a series that was fundamental to my teenage years, and to actually finish—for the first time!!!—its beautiful sequel.
> 
> I think I've said this before, a time or twenty-nine, but fics like _Facets_ and _Fragments_ feel less like projects of _mine_ than projects of _ours_ in the sense that they wouldn't be what they are without all the conversations we've had in the comments sections. You've given me the kindest compliments and written the most fascinating analyses on these characters we all love. You've warned me about when I was going to need a tissue for _Future_ , and you've triumphed when you were absolutely correct. You've linked me your own beautiful works that I hope to read more of now that I've finished _Future._ You've wished me a good day and a good week and a happy holiday when the times have called for it. You've supported me at times when 2020 did what 2020 was wont to do and eff everything up. You've lifted me up. 
> 
> You've been there with me—every step of the way—and for that, I will be forever thankful.
> 
> I hope that you all have a happy new year and that our paths cross again, whether on other fics of mine or yours or on Tumblr.
> 
> Until then, see you later. <3 I adore you all.

That first night in a bed that isn’t his own, in a city he’s never seen, in a whole world he has yet to discover, Steven misses his family.

Garnet’s warm arms and Pearl’s gentle forehead kisses.

Amethyst’s laugh.

His dad’s scratchy voice.

He left them all behind, like his own mother had done some sixteen years ago...

 _No_ , he argues gently with himself.

_It’s different._

**_I’m_ ** _different._

His mom was escaping herself.

And he’s _finding_ himself, so that one day, when he sees his family again, he can love them and remember what it means to love himself, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Notes:**  
>  • As I did with _Fragments_ , here's the [statistics sheet](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VBNIZW_XTe4sGEK4MrM4hZXEmv8NYe6bjmvqdIvKtvI/edit?usp=sharing) I did for _Facets_! It just keeps track of information like how many times characters appeared in drabbles, alphabet frequency in titles, etc.!  
> • My [thoughts](https://mimik-u.tumblr.com/post/639033668124426240/the-future-thoughts-okay-ngl-ive-been) on the last ep. of _Future_!


End file.
